Gameweek 23 Preview

You can forget all that, though, because the week's biggest fantasy news was United's confirmation of a derby with Manchester City on 25th March, meaning GW 31 will be a DOUBLE GAMEWEEK for both Manc sides. Oh the possibilities. They'll each miss GW 28, mind, so a strategy should be concocted now to ensure full advantage is taken of the spoils on offer in GW 31 whilst mitigating any loss from absences in their week off.

Hazard (10.6) v.s. West Ham (H)

Hazard creates a chance every 36.9 minutes; less often than Ozil (30.1) and Silva (22.8), but scores considerably more often than both - once every 213 minutes compared to Ozil's 384 and Silva's 279. That's not funny but it's true. 

After Wham, Chelsea face City away, Newcastle at Home and West Brom at the Hawthorns. They've been in devastating goalscoring form recently and, with both strikers making points but too prone to rotation for serious consideration, Hazard is by far the best Blues player to have. Also his surname sort of means danger - if you're into that kind of thing.

Predicting derby day results is a bigger waste of time than all those risqué French comedy seminars I attended. That said, Luis will invariably be in the mixer one way or t'other, as he seems to be every week when he's playing football. We prefer Hazard this week because the chances of him finding another odious little ball boy to abuse is marginally lower than that of Suarez being sent off for attempting to deep-fry Phil Jagielka or Falcon Punch Tim Howard for having a Tourette's outbreak. 

Both will probably score, though. If I were a gambling man (and I am) I'd bet lefty on "any unquoted", irrespective of what is quoted. I like dem odds.

Spurs have only conceded 3 goals in their last five and will be keen to park the bus this time against City having shipped 6 goals at the Etihad. Aguero has been scinitllating since his return from injury and carried on his sizzling league form with a goal against West Ham in the Low Interest Rate Cup and a hat-trick against Watford in the Expensive Energy Cup. Aguero is 11/10 to score at any time. For anyone not au fait with betting odds, that essentially means that if the game were played 10 times, Aguero would, by the laws of probability and maths and whatnot, score roughly 11 times in each game. Seems a bit harsh on Spurs but they do tend to favour sinking over swimming in these fixtures. Glug Glug.

The Number 23 on his back is perhaps illustrative of his subsidiary squad status pre-season but 90 minutes in every match since GW 6 is proof positive that he's cemented his place in the side. Yet to register a bonus point, goal or assist, he's hardly Seamus Coleman (also the number 23 in case you were scratching your head trying to prove me wrong) but at 4.2 any wildcarders will find solace in a player whose upcoming fixtures are good, not great - and he's also had 0 yellow cards. You'll have to dump him for Norwich's horror finish to the season (Liverpool, United, Chelsea, Arsenal - yuk) but until then he should provide a few cheap 6 pointers.

We called him "explosive" last week and he promptly scored 2 points. He remains an absolute steal at 4.6, though. Mutch is goalscorer (4 so far - same as Torres (8.2) and Ozil (10.0)) and an attacking catalyst for a side who are, unlike most Premier League teams, currently bolstering their squad (Kenwyne Jones (4.6), Zaha (5.4) and Fabio (4.1) have all been brought in this week). After a trip to Old Trafford, Cardiff have favourable matches against Norwich, Swansea, Villa and Hull. In fact they don't really have another properly tricky tie for the remainder of the season. They've lost 5 out of their last six but fobody's nerpect. Don't expect diamonds for coppers; just be happy he plays 90 minutes, gets a few bonus points every now and again (by which I mean not FPL BPs but any points in addition to 2) and doesn't turn out to be one of those 'orrible sorts who gets banned for doing something terribly racist or violent or pertaining to social media. 

It would be egotistical to assume you were reading last week so let me just holla a quick shout out to ma boys Ki and Johnson. Undoubtedly high as kites after their Milk Cup semi-final victory over Man Utd, Poyet's Sunderland could be galvanised.

Ki is silk on the ball - his intelligence is obvious, his patience laudable and his precision will provide assists given time. Johnson, hat-trick hero against Fulham is now showing the form that got City interested in his services. 35 pts in two games is Suarez-esque. Can it be ignored? Probably not. 

Here's the catch - Sunderland's GW 28 fixture has been rearranged. Is this good news or bad news, I hear noone ask? Well actually, this means another DOUBLE GAMEWEEK is in the offing; prepare the banner and cake, round your squad and prepare to reap the sweet delights of doubling up. If it's also scheduled for late March, GW 31 will be a fantasy season make or breaker. 

Enough's been written about Ramsey this season to build the Starship Enterprise out of Papier-mâché (if you don't pitch it on Dragon's Den, I will), paper over the cracks in an M Night Shyamalan script and still have enough left over to cover Jennifer Garner's mouth. So for the sake of brevity: 

Now that I've sated every conceivable target demographic, I'll warn that even though his little information "i" isn't yellow, he may not play the whole game. Still, having him in your squad feels a lot better than useless Ozil (10.0), as he's come to be known around the campfire (not a gay joke - just a turn of phrase).  

Sell High

Roberto Soldado (8.5) v.s. Man City (H)

Yohan's been tit-hot recently. Too tit-hot - PSG made a £14 million bid recently. It was rejected but, like a Geordie on the pull, they are unlikely to be dissuaded by something as trivial as rejection. Newcastle have, as Sky Sports reports, made a clear stand by ruling the player as not for sale, whilst simultaneously slapping a £20million price tag on the midfielder. Their unflappable position may not last given the player went on strike after Arsenal's £10.1mil bid was rejected so he could certainly be 'unsettled' enough to jeopardise his starting berth pending this move so even if he doesn't swan off, he might now be a waste of space. 

"Hang on a tick, though", you astutely but rudely butt-in, "I read in the Guardian that United are prepping a bid". It's true - this rumour has indeed been written down. Even if there is veracity to this claim, however, please see Rule 1 of fantasy football - no United midfielders (there's been one exception so far - we'll see if Mata makes it two). Manchester might be an even worse destination for Cabaye fantasy-wise - managers would be tempted to keep him in instead of another midfielder in the 6.5-8 price bracket, throughout which there are some gems on offer. 

Cherche on - ceci footballere n'est pas pour vouz (he's not a pipe either).  

Berbatov's qualities may have been the Masked by a drab, innovationless (someone has to invent words it may as well be me) Fulham. Surely 4 goals this season isn't all he has to offer? Rumour has it Spurs may be preparing a £1.5mil bid and other, equally unsubstantiated rumours would indicate that Daniel Levy wants the deal done ASAP - as long as he can squeeze every possible penny out of the deal that is. Remember what happened last time he was trading Berba? Yeh - that. If he doesn't move on, he's still Fulham's go-to guy. They can't exactly put Bent in - he missed a sitter the other day so easy Harry Redknapp's dog could have scored two goals from it. A worrying fixture list and the looming threat of relegation makes this one a real punt. Only owned by 3% though, and with Soldado misfiring, it would be a canny acquisition if he does make the trip north. 

Shaw is a risky transfer if he is transferred to United or Chelsea, as has been suggested in the papers. Re-read the first clause of that sentence. Notice a dearth of any negative words like "not". That is not a typo (although I'm sure there are plenty elsewhere). Shaw's value (which is superb incidentally) is tied to his position at Southampton. A kind run in, certain place in the starting XI and a propensity for clean sheets are all things neither Chelsea nor United could offer him from a fantasy perspective. At the former goals conceded would be a major concern and at both the risk of a tussle with Cole/Ivanovic/Azpillicueta or Evra respectively would be a grave concern. The general consensus seems to be that his value (£30mil) is set too high and that if a move happens, it is likely to be this summer. It's certainly not time to sell Shaw but it may be worth looking at other cheap options, such as Hull's Curtis Davies (4.6) if you're cutting chaff in defence.

Juan Mata (9.4) v.s. Cardiff (H)

Don't call 999 on Man Utd just yet - It's not a 999 Mata (sorry, but it fitted in with the story and everything). Forget that they're infinity points off the top - all you care about is how many of those scrumptious fantasy points their players can bring in from now on. Rooney and RVP, undoubtedly their two best players are soon to return and with Mata in support, goals are a certainty. Maybe Mourinho knows something we don't and maybe Moyes's dogshite touch will be enough to stifle the classy Spaniard but sure as eggs is eggs he'll be starting for 37 quadrillion coppers. Why Mourinho would sell Chelsea's two-time player of the year to an arch-nemisis is a mystery even tabloid logic can't manage to solve - maybe he feels bad for poaching Robben all those years ago or maybe he doesn't like players who make punny headlines. Whatever the rationale, it's sure to see a shift in playing style from United, who according to Moyes have actually played really well apart from all that losing at home and failing to score... or play particularly well.  Rooney may push further forward now that there is someone else to dissect defensive lines. Expect Wellbeck and Chicharito to be shunted to the periphery soon, especially after the latter's failure to capitalise on a golden one-on-one with Mannone on Wednesday.

Januzaj (5.3) v.s. Cardiff (H)

People are still raving about Januzaj and if you're good enough, you're old enough yada yada - but is he really good enough? His uno-dos to set up Little Pea's equaliser in the dying seconds was top notch but his penalty miss looked like it was in slow motion. A series of unfortunate events could unfold wherein United spot a decent player on the market and panic-buy - leaving this young-un out in the cold. Chances are if you wanted him, you've got him already but those weighing up other options should also consider how they're going to get United coverage for GW 31 - it may be a better strategy to hold off on the cheaper players like Januzaj until after they take a break in GW 28.