With transfer deadline day or 'Jim White Day' falling on a Friday this year, there is excitement and uncertainty aplenty in the run up to Gameweek 24. Should you hold out until Saturday morning to see whether that is in fact Julian Draxler emerging from the settling dust? Perhaps not. But who knows what Arsenal's chief transfer negotiator "Big" Dick Law can pull out the bag when night falls? Maybe an extra pound, try the extra pound trick again Dick!
I'm really not quidding
Transfer Madness
This just in! From Joe Kinnear, and this leaked message to Chelsea:
Ashley Cod, good, but he's no John Dory
We start with breaking news that Liam Ying will not be signing for Chelsea, because he is in fact fictional. A point that wasn't grasped by these Chelsea fans who were shown up by a Manchester United supporting comedian, and just like these admirable fellows we are going to offer some self-assured, fully clued-up knowledge on the upcoming Gameweek. I can therefore report with 100% accuracy that any swaps happening on Friday will culminate with the transferred player sitting in the director's box wearing a hat and being cut to regularly by the Sky Sports cameras, with Martin Tyler babbling on about whether he would have taken one of those opportunities. So forget about putting in Tottenham or Liverpool's Konoplyanka (probably Tottenham's if history fancies repeating itself) or Newcastle's Grenier, or Fulham's Mitroglou or "Big" Dick's Draxler. Just forget about it. Unless Chelsea sign Liam Ying.
Stoke sign Wilson Palacios
Captain Marvel
Luis Suarez - 13.4m @ West Brom
We all know how good he is, so why not enjoy this blog about dimly lit food instead? 18 games, 36 goals or assists, hero to millions.
Daniel Sturridge - 9.5m @ West Brom
Since coming back from injury he has scored 9-9-11 and is looking shit hot. He should have buried that penalty to make it 17 points in his last outing and could have grabbed an assist if he hadn't been a greedy goose but he's still a great shout if you're Suarez averse. With both Suarez and Sturridge in the team, he has been playing on the shoulder of the last man and will be looking to exploit the glacial pace of Lugano and Olsson at West Brom. He could be your differential to the rest of your fantasy league opponents.
You will be dancing to the top of the league...
Olivier Giroud - 8.7m v. Crystal Palace
More like Olivier Gir-who? when Draxler arrives, but he has been slowly creeping back into form, with 3 goals in his last 5 Premier League starts, and a couple in the cup. Arsenal welcome resurgent Crystal Pulis to the Emirates in what is being called the 'Marouane Chamakh Derby', but it's Giroud who should be knocking a few in.
Buy Low
Can you ignore Adam Johnson any longer! - 6.7m @ Newcastle
I am well good on paint
Five goals and two assists in his last three games make him a bargain at 6.7m. It's the Tyne-Wear derby so anything's possible, but look at that steely/dead eyed gaze coming out of your monitor! You want that (on your team).
Edin Dzeko - 6.7m v. Chelsea
Three goals and two assists in his last three games. In the 'against column' is simply written "he's still Edin Dzeko and often seems to have the mobility of a hat stand". Oh, and they are playing boring boring Chelsea 2.0 who are likely to park the bus, or play "19th Century football" away at Man City. I have no idea what this means. Still though, Aguero is now out so he should continue to start. Looks like more of a punt until you see he's just £6.7m! You can't heat a terraced house for that nowadays grumble grumble.
Sell High
Sergio Aguero - £12.4m v. Chelsea
It says 75% chance of playing on the fantasy site, but I don't think Pellegrini will risk him. Hamstring is one that managers tend not to risk in case of that dreaded 'SNAP'. It is a big game, though!
Ramsey - £7.1 v. Nobody
He's crocked again, get rid.
Buy Anyway
Vincent Kompany - 6.3 v. Chelsea
Sure they have Chelsea at home
this week, but games against Norwich and Sunderland are just over the horizon.
He’s the best City defender by miles and he’s got goals in that big, shaven,
rhomboid head of his. I’m mostly annoyed because I left him out against
Tottenham and he scored.
Triffic feller, and a top, top, player
Gambles
Christian Benteke – 8.7m @
Everton
He’s scored 3 in 3, challenging the perceived wisdom that he’s struggled for form recently. These have
come against Liverpool, Arsenal and local rivals West Brom, so don’t be put off
by a potentially tricky tie with Everton this week. Everton were miserable at
the back against Liverpool, with several key players missing, and were
ravaged on the counter attack, which Aston Villa thrive at away from home.
Probably only a gamble because he’s still expensive, but upcoming games against
West Ham and Cardiff mean he should be a sound investment.
Adam Lallana – 7.6m @ Fulham
He’s a risk because his ship
may well have sailed, arrived in port, returned to England laden with tobacco,
potatoes, and trinkets, sold for gold and scrap etc. If you brought him in before January he would have cost you 6.9 and now
represents a gamble as he’s probably now too pricey. His next two games
are Stoke and Hull but 28% own him so you're hardly going to catch up/break away by having him. Wouldn't you rather feel clever and do well without him than put him in like a copycat and lose out? No? Then, you, sir, are the ultimate gambler.
Anyone who watched this show knows it's boss
Kevin Mirallas – 7.3m v. Villa
The only thorn in Liverpool’s
side midweek, albeit having the effect a thistle might have on a raging bear,
but two goals in his previous two games suggest his form is rising. Everton are still
a good team, and with Lukaku out he may well be given the starting berth up
front (newbie Lacina Traore is out for two weeks). He scored 34 goals in just over 50 games when he was the lone forward at
Olympiakos, so can be effective there and moves faster than Speedy Gonzalez with a match up his arse.
