United are making everyone look minty fresh at this point. As Albert Einstein famously defined, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results". Well Moyes' side time and time again take the lead, fail to put teams to the sword and then almost ritually concede haplessly in the dying moments. The new United way perhaps.
Luis Suarez – 13.4m @ Fulham
After having two down games (assisting is weak sauce by his standards), Suarez heads to Fulham who have just managed to nick a draw at Old Trafford in ‘Meulensteen time’. Such tactics will, however, not work against Suarez & co. and Fulham are likely to be exhausted from spending 90 minutes chasing Ashley Young crosses that didn't connect (1 in 15 went to a United player!), so with at least a goal or an assist in eleven of his last twelve games, Luis is still the Premier League's answer to Calvin ‘Megatron’ Johnson.
Daniel Sturridge – 9.9m @ Fulham
Six goals in five games - it doesn’t seem to matter who the opposition is! There's a chant in there somewhere... The S & S combination looks to be Liverpool’s new version of Batman and Robin. Also everyone has Suarez yada yada differential yada yada.
The original little red riding hood and MC Hammer - with Kevin Keagan and John Toshack
Eden Hazard – 10.7m @ West Bromich Albion
It won't have escaped your notice that Hazard is by now Chelsea’s main man. A hat-trick performance has eased pressure on Mourinho over the controversial sale of Mata. Generally, Chelsea hit form at the right time and both he and Oscar (8.8) make them tick.
Buy Low
Tom Ince (Crystal Phallus) – 5.5m @ Everton
Tom Ince went with dad Paul around the country looking at prospective clubs in the same way parents take their children to University open days. Once he decided on location the question became; can he do it in the Premier League? Well, one game, one goal, one assist later he may be that January gem to help you push for fantasy glory. At a mere 5.5m, his price can only go one way. For those who love stats, he has the highest points per game in fantasy football. He's only played one game but there was a time when Suarez had only played one game - so rattle that around in your noggin for a while.
The Ince family at interviews
Rickie Lambert – 7.1 @ Hull City (Tigers)
Two goals and two assists in his last two games! Rumours swirled in January that Pochettino was not a fan of Lambert, but with Pablo Osvaldo shipped off to Juventus, Lambert is still their number one man, and a cheap option for a proven goalscorer if you haven't yet got him. Those looking for a slightly cheaper option should go for Rodriguez (6.7). 10 goals so far and has played practically every minute since week 11.
Sell High:
Romelu Lukaku/Aaron Ramsey/Dejan Lovren – injured
These players are still picked in between 7-23% of leagues and unlike many other players they have no set return date so could still be sitting on your bench in a month’s time. Unless you are unfathomably loyal to these guys, are trying to win a bet or need to prove a by now very strained point, find alternatives until they are healthy!!!
Buy Anyway
Juan Mata – 9.8m @ Arsenal
He is tipped to be the Juan to spark life into United this season. While United still haven’t been playing well or getting results, he has notched up an assist per game and his contribution has been notable - his assist on Sunday was the catalyst for a short-lived comeback. Once he settles down, things should only get better for the mild-mannered Spaniard, especially with Rooney and RVP back (I know we keep saying that but eventually it's bound to come true). Also, he is cup tied for the Champions League so while you may be sweating over whether players such as RVP, Rooney, Yaya Toure and Hazard will start games immediately before or after UCL games, you needn't worry about Mata being rotated!
Punts of the Week
Kevin Nolan – 6.6m v. Norwich
Nolan has been on fire with four goals in two games. Can he keep it rolling rolling rolling like Fred Durst (not quite shown below)? He has a good run of fixtures, and with his old roommate Andy Carroll coming back in two games, things are looking rosy over in the East End. Thing is - he's due a red card any game now! Until then I think we've found the best striker since Bob Crow!!
Disclaimer: Kevin Nolan is not a striker in any fantasy football formats or in real life. Bob Crow did not himself go on strike. Nolan is not actually any good.
Our inaugural 'Pic of the Week' contest well... isn't one. It's hard to know why Wenger chose this precise moment to try and pull an MJ. He would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those pesky bags...
