At
this point in the Bantasy season, the discrepancy in team values begins to rear
its [ugly/beautiful] head (delete as appropriate to your personal situation).
The
business end of the season is a case of the 'have’s and the 'have-not's
This
week, we’ll be taking you back to the [Sainsbury’s] Basics of the transfer
market. We all know you can’t make transfers without shopping, so join us
on the GW 33 Supermarket Sweep, where we’ll be saying BOGOF to the Bantasy dead-weight,
and slapping our bottoms in glee at the Asda-priced bargains on offer.
Whether
or not you can you Taste the Difference, or prefer the [Tesco] Value range, we
offer a variety of recommendations, tailored to suit your personal
circumstances - can’t say fairer than that.
Please
note, Nectar Points are not guaranteed.
Buy
Low – sponsored by Aldi
Jon Flanagan – (4.4m), West Ham (A)
“I
don’t have as much money to spend as my mate. I give up!”
… Comrades, we will not hear such talk on the
People’s Bantasy Blog!!!!:
A
well-known communist confirms that nuts are cheaper at Aldi
Nuts come in all shapes and sizes. Seamus
Coleman-sized nuts are way out of the price range of the average Aldi shopper.
Equally, John Terry nuts are so in-demand that a visit to Aldi won’t help you.
If you are after a juicy, nourishing, virile set of nuts for a good price, look
no further than Liverpool’s Jon Flanagan.
Flanagan, a regular 90 minute man for
Liverpool, has averaged 5.2 points per game in his last 5 games. The lesser-known of the Liverpool defensive unit, Flanagan has only been selected by 1.8%
of Bantasy playyyyyaaaaaz. Flanagan is likely to share in any clean sheet
spoils that Liverpool’s defence win between now and the end of the season. If
you are one of the many on the bread line but want to remain competitive,
Flanagan is your man:
Only
selected by 1.8% of teams? WTF!?
So, comrades, the season ain’t over yet.
Pick up your hammer and sickle, and get Flanagan in your side.
Jordan Henderson – (6.5m), West Ham (A)
A quick mention of Jordan Henderson here –
he rarely grabs headlines, but has quietly racked up a 121 point total so
far this season. The subtle manner in which he has done this is reflected in his
low price tag of 6.5m. Henderson is the seventh most prolific point-scoring
midfielder in the game, and his price tag does not reflect this potential.
Health
and Safety Notice: bread on sale at Aldi may contain traces of nuts
Jordan Mutch – (4.8m), Crystal Palace
(A)
I could write a lot about Mutch. But Mutch
was said about Mutch last week, and I very Mutch want to avoid repetition here.
All I will say is that if you had taken our advice last week, you’d have hauled
in ten points from Mutch in GW32 (twenty if you are an idiot and for some
reason captained him). Granted, Crystal Palace’s defence is solid at home, but
Mutch is as cheap as non-name brand napkins at Aldi - and one of the best value players in the game.
M&S
– Simply Food, just a bit more expensive than normal (Sell High)
Robin van Persie – (13.6m), Newcastle
(A)
Injury is confirmed, form is patchy, price-tag
is high… Just who are the 14.8% of people that have selected Robin van Persie?
Is there something in this game that we're not getting?
Here at Bantasy Blog HQ, we were under the
impression that the name of the game is putting your capital to work. I have
included a worked example below:
Door,
meet Robin van Persie. Robin van Persie, meet door.
Buy
Anyway - sponsored by Waitrose
It’s not an oversight that the John Lewis
price promise doesn't apply to food sold at Waitrose. Every day, mugs like you
and me descend on Waitrose stores to buy the same stuff as we can buy at Tesco
for a 30% premium. All I can say about this section is, “Welcome to Waitrose
folks!”
Hang on a sec! Don’t premium prices mean
premium quality? Hmmmmmmmmmm… let’s see.
Romelu Lukaku – (8.8m), Arsenal (H)
At 8.8m, Lukaku is as expensive as he has
been all season. But since returning from injury, he has played the full 90
every week and chalked up an average of 5.8 points per game. This compares favourably to his form leading into to his GW 23 injury, when he averaged 4.5
points per game. On this basis alone, some increase in price is justified; and
when you consider that Lukaku cost 8.5m at the time of his injury, you might
call him a bargain (if you have the money to spend).
Still not convinced? Take a look at Everton’s
coming fixtures:
Arsenal (H) – also known as the “HMS Ship’s
Goals”
Crystal Palace (H) – 17th in the
league in terms of away form
Overpriced
or bargain? Romelu Lukaku: to be found in the Waitrose lean meat section –
alloys not included
But the question remains - is it possible
to shop at Waitrose and still be winning?
Hell
yeah, LOOOOSERS! - I played the transfer market properly in the first half of
the season…
Pablo Zabaleta (6.2m), Southampton (H)
City’s defence have five clean sheets in
their last six games. You just can’t argue with a stat like that. The last time Zabaleta didn’t play the full 90 mins was in GW 19. If there are six
points going at The (Middle-) Eastlands Stadium this weekend, he’s having in on
it.
Zabaleta
seeing out a clean sheet for Man City recently
The
Fish Stall, Queen’s Market, Upton Park - Punt of the Week – “Very, very nice”.
Robert Snodgrass (5.9m) and Gary Hooper
(5.8m) – West Brom (H), Fulham (A)
Special price, just for you! Snodgrass and
Hooper are serious prospects.
“Snod-my-ar$se” may be your gut reaction,
but please do think about this a little more deeply… Sondgrass is the sixth-best midfielder in terms of current form. “OK”, you might say, “I get Snodgrass,
but why on earth is Hooper recommended?”. Well, let me tell you; it’s not
rocket-science…
Hooper is Norwich’s highest scoring forward
by a country mile (a country mile is, in this case, equivalent to 30 Bantasy
league points). If anyone is going to be involved in Norwich’s forthcoming GW
33 and 34 goal-fest, it’s Hooper.
Now that you know, are you quite so skeptical?
…
that ignores Hooper.”
Not
now Comrade “T”, you’ve already made your point.
Norwich have loads to play for; they need
to churn out as many wins as possible before the end of the season - they
currently sit in 15th place, 7 points above the relegation zone (not
safe enough to relax). Forthcoming opposition is: West Brom (H) and Fulham (A).
In terms of their relevant home/away form,
West Brom (who travel to Norwich) and Fulham (who face Norwich at the
sand-castle fortress that is Craven Cottage) are both in the bottom three in
the league. Of course, nothing is guaranteed in this life… except that: 1)
Norwich will win both games 2) Snodgrass and Hooper will score.
Captain
Marvel
I’ll give you a clue, he’s racist and he
bites (and no – John Terry has not contracted rabies).
