The last few weeks have offered a lesson in fantasy football double gameweeks - it seemed impossible to go wrong and points tumbled from the sky like those twirling iridescent coins in Super Mario World.
Luigi could barely carry all those David Silva as captain points
But faster than you can say "Bowser's Castle", Easy street has been blockaded and replaced with a detour that goes via 'Hmmm That's a Tricky One Avenue', and stops off at 'Budget Problems Boulevard'.
So put down your GameBoy, forget all that lovely weather outside and buckle down for some revision. It's time to check the Easter report cards and find our who's top prefect and who's being expelled for shitting on the headmaster's desk.
Head Boy
David Silva (9.8) -- West Brom (H)A+
Dave's BFF Yaya Toure will be absent for two weeks and Pellegrini has been playing swapsies with Aguero and Dzeko to make sure the former stays fit and the latter doesn't throw a strop - leaving Silva as the main attacking centrifuge in City's inevitable demolition of West Brom (don't think about the Sunderland game - merely an illusion).
City still average a kajillion goals per home game and last week West Brom conceded three against Spurs in the season's most spectacular capitulation since they let in three against Cardiff a fortnight ago. Silva's parents received a GW 33 Report card which simply read, "14 pts. A* for effort. Gold star". He's the kind of boy the dinner lady might fancy - if only for his floppy hair and his psuedo-manly pre-pubescent moustache - and he should certainly be making your honour roll.
No-one has ever seen Silva's forehead but legend has it he's got one of those Harry Potter scars. Boy's magic.
Monitors
Eden Hazard (10.6) -- Sunderland (H)A-
Keep an eye on Hazard - he's been poorly for the last few weeks but up until now his attendance has been superb, his leadership skills terrific and his willingness to help classmates out exemplary.
If back in time for the West Brom exam, expect big things. The Baggies have had concentration issues recently - If Chelsea bring their A game, it could be tears before teatime.
Most likely to: Kick a ball boy in the unmentionables
Christian Eriksen (6.8) -- Fulham (H)A
Dear Fulham,
I bully you because I love you (not to mention my Daddy issues) but I really do actually think - I genuinely really truly do properly believe that you have a chance against Spurs.
The players' Cadillac Escalades jobs depend on Premiership survival and if ever there was a maths teacher manager to do a few sums keep an underperforming team up, it's Felix Magath.
"Welcome to chess club, bitches"
Spurs sat all their important AS Levels in January, failed them, then failed the retakes and are now just dossing through to summer with nothing to occupy them but art coursework and school plays. Saturday will be a mock exam for them - a mid-season friendly wherein logic, even by Sherwoodian standards, will be warped and youth will be given a chance.
That doesn't mean there won't be goals, though. There will be. The net has bulged 15 times in Spurs' last four games. Tottenham's goals have largely been a result of Eriksen's dynamism - four goals in four, three assists and eight BPs is top-of-the-class stuff - and his free kicks have me questioning whether what I learned in physics - or sex-ed for that matter - was in fact accurate.
Gently place some banana swerve on the ball and roll it all the way down
Kane (4.4) -- Fulham (H)B+
There's no doubt about it - Kane is able. Two starts, 180 minutes and two goals.
His buddy Adebayor (7.6) has understandably attracted much more attention but if you're looking for a differential, you won't find much better than this.
Sherwood knows he's getting the sack so may as well give the young lad some vital top flight experience and, at 0.3% ownership, I'm guessing the only people who have him so far are:
Harry Kane
Harry Kane's Mum
Harry Kane's alternate account (I hear he's one of them cheats)
It may seem like an alternative "let's talk about our feelings instead of learning to read and write" - school of thought but missing out on Kane will look like a schoolboy error if he continues his good form against special kids Fulham, Stoke, West Ham and Aston Villa.
Harry Kane is undoubtedly the Maeby Funke of Premier League football
Aaron Ramsey (7.0) -- @HullB-
He started in the FA Cup semi against Wigan and came on with 20 minutes left against West Ham to create a vital goal. Must try harder if he is to be worthy of a spot in your team, though. The Gunners only have four games left so if he's not going to start each one, it's hard to justify putting him in. Many will doubtless go for him anyway based on how integral he was to Arsenal's play before he got that boo boo - 15 of Arsenal's 31 goals when he has been on the pitch have involved him. What a boffin.
Martin Skrtel (5.9) -- @NorwichC+
The most transferred-in defender so far this week has still been swapped into only 15% of the number of teams who have brought in Silva. This reflects the importance of an attacking captain-able threat and, for once, indicates that many FPL players may indeed be in possession of all their marbles.
However, if defenders are what you need look no further. Seven goals certainly makes him a candidate for the "over-achiever" end of year prize and despite a reputation for not playing well with others, he has only four cautions. He looks like the kind of fella who can sit wherever he wants on the school bus or scare the physics teacher into eating his homework for him - and that's who you want at centre-half.
Wildcard Troublemaker
Edin Dzeko (7.4) -- West Brom (H)C-
The only thing worse than seeing your player dropped is seeing his playing time being slowly siphoned off. Aguero's return should have spelled the end of Dzeko's reign as 'most improved student' but instead those who (stupidly) stuck with him were rewarded with a surprise start against Liverpool.
The bad news? Not only did he fail to have any impact, Aguero came on in a straight swap - ruling out the possibility of going 2 up top. Worse still, Pellegrini went 4-4-2 against Sunderland but snubbed the Bosnian, handing a first start in six to Negredo.
Despite trying his hardest and earning some great marks when he's been tested, there's too much uncertainty for poor little Edin. Bantasy Football High has a zero tolerance policy on truancy - suspend him until the end of term. Maybe he can win his way back into your good books next year with an apple on the desk or something.
An artist's impression of Edin Dzeko as a schoolboy
Pic of the Week
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