Some say there's nothing to play for on the final day of the season. Whilst not wrong in the sense that they are in fact correct, they are being what The Dude would refer to as "assholes" in that they forget the most important component of any weekend - fantasy football.
Every player in the league will have that Friday feeling when they lace-up on Sunday. With so little at stake, ins't it time you forgot about who's been playing well and went for some maverick-loose cannon selections? If only it were that simple. Let's rub ourselves up against the cotton and the silk and see what we like the feel of.
Captain Marvel
Luis Suarez (13.1) -- Newcastle (H)
Crystanbul hit old Suarez pretty hard. After City's demolition of Villa, Liverpool are about as likely to win the Premiership as I am - although for some reason I don't come up on Betfair. If his mind's not set on the filthy-nasty things he's going to do to England's defence in Brazil, it will probably be plotting his Anfield escape route or listing the most delicious players in the league. Either way, he's playing mind games with himself and hasn't been as devastatingly prolific as usual lately. Newcastle aren't just bad - they're losing 4-0 to Southampton and Man U in back to back games bad - but with 50% ownership, unless you're top of your league, you're going to have to be more inventive.
Covering up the acceptable face of racism
Gnegneri Yaya Toure (10.4) -- West Ham (H)
Wayne Rooney gets the ball near the half-way line and just hoofs it in. What a pleb. Toure runs the field and slots it home like a gentleman.
Anyone who captained Toure for GW37 like I did will have done a pretty serious sex wee when he followed his assist with this injury time wonder-goal - and will have difficulty taking that armband off him after the noise he made me make.
Caution - this shit is explicit
20 goals from midfield this season is special - and when Pellegrini puts him in a more advanced role to compensate for the absence of Aguero, his ability to create and score is stunning. Dzeko may be more likely to score but he gets fewer points for doing so, doesn't take penalties and could be subbed in garbage time like he was against Villa - Toure picked up nine points after he went off.
West Ham have lost four of their last five away games. I smell a cake walk.
Buy Low
Edin Dzeko (7.4) -- West Ham (H)
Funny how all that fantasy promise Dzeko had pre-season is finally starting to pay off at the tail end. Five goals in three games. Eight starts in nine games. To be honest, though, I could be making all of this up - It doesn't really matter. He starts up front for City so it's a no-brainer.
Marko Arnautovic (5.1) -- @West Brom
Stoke's highest-scoring midfielder has flown under the radar, quietly accruing 31 points in the last four weeks. Stoke have been stumbled upon some very un-Stoke-like football lately. A pacey counter-attack comprising Mark "Oh I have an itch", Odemwinghy and Offsidey (Assaidi) has been a refreshing change for Potters fans from the previous tactic of hoofing it to Crouch while Charlie Adam kicks the Danny Dyer out of the opposition. West Brom deserved to be relegated this season, have lost two on the trot and have conceded nine in their last four home games. I'm tipping their new style to bring out the Branston. Kiss route 1 goodbye (unless Crouch plays).
NB: Crouch dot not to scale. Stoke rarely play fewer than six at the back
Harry Kane (4.4), Kyle Naughton (4.1) -- Aston Villa (H)
At the risk of repeating myself, I won't. Check me out here for some Spurs knowledge or just put them in if you'll take my word for it.
Sell High
Aaron Ramsey (7.5) -- Norwich
Ramsey is the most transferred-out player this week and it's no surprise - he didn't start against West Brom and will probably be rested so Wenger can ensure victory in the FA Cup Final - cause, you know, Hull are a really hard team to beat.
Sergio Aguero (12.8) -- West Ham (H)
Another man being shipped by lots of managers is Kun - considered as 50% to play on FPL, "very doubtful" by physioroom and "a maybe" according to San Pellegrino. Definitely a last-minute decision if you have him. Don't feel you have to make a change for the sake of it but don't be stuck with 12.4 million-worth of bench in your side.
Pic of the Week
Thanks for reading, guys and gals. My farewell present to you is this delightful example of why you should always screenshot a snapchat. Until next season!
Tyrone what have you done?
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