United flopped more hopelessly than Pele at sexy time while there were squeaky bum victories for Arsenal, Liverpool, and Spurs. Fantasy managers are already pulling their hair out over no-shows like Mata, Giroud and Lamela, while Siggy’s ownership has skyrocketed by 130,000.
You’re F***in’ Out!
GW1 was like a competition to get axed. Over 21,100 managers have already had enough of Mata and ditched the United midfielder but even more have lost faith in Olivier Giroud (21,400) after he was benched for the unconvincing win against Crystal Palace. United we bust
Even Ashley Young, whom many fantasy players trusted at 5.5 to be a cost-effective route into United's midfield, has plummeted in his % owned after he started the game as a hapless muppet and ended it as a left back.
The loss of belief in United is widespread, with Herrera (7.5m) also high on the dump pile despite a ridonkulous pre-season.
Cutinho (8m)
Coutinho is perhaps a surprise inclusion on the list. Liverpool weren't impressive against Southampton and he was subbed off after 75 minutes but he didn't have a bad game and was integral in pre-season. Maybe it's away trips to City and Spurs that have suddenly put people off... even though the fixture list has been out for ages... go figure.
Lame-ela (8m) & Eriksen (8m)
More than 3,000 players got rid of Lamela after his performance against West Ham which was officially (well, according to Rude Gullit at least) poor. Surprisingly, though, more people have seen fit to drop Eriksen, who is clearly on free kick duty and was Tottenham's best player last season. They've got QPR this Saturday in the early kick off so unless one of them dies, or professes a newfound desire to be more like Nile Ranger, there's no excuse for jumping ship just yet.
I'm F***in' In!
Siggy (6.1m)
Anyone who watched the first game of the season knows that Sigurdsson's goal was village. It was basically Swansea's only shot on goal and it was straight at the keeper. It went in, though, and, coupled with his assist, has been enough to make him the first player to jump in price this season (6.1). It's too late to get him without ruining your team's value equilibrium but getting him in now might not be the worst idea in the world given his fixtures. Chelsea away is the only cause for concern until November.
Raheem Sterling (8.5m)
Sterling's goal was typical him - a great ball from Henderson was pounced upon thanks to pace and composure he is only capable of displaying when not wearing an England shirt. For a player worth 6.4m last season he is still premium crackers but he moves like shit off a shovel and Liverpool can't defend so goals is the only answer.
Aaron Ramsey (9m)
Oh how I wish this man could stop being so good. One of my idiotic last minute changes was to take him out for Giroud and what a buffoon I am. His goals may be tap-ins and he may look like Caerphilly's answer to Derren Brown but the thing about results is you can't argue with them. Ten points in week one. Deal.
Caerphilly does it: Ramsey effortlessly looks into and judges your soul
Ki Sung-Yeung
Scoring against Man Utd at Old Trafford guarantees two things: An epic and indelible slot in the wank bank; and that thousands of people will thoughtlessly draft you into their fantasy football team. It was a posh finish, to be fair, and I was repping Ki as a decent shout last season, but to shake up your team this early for an unproven midfielder who has only ever scored four Premiership goals is pants-on-head-retarded.
Pic of the day
If you take Ramsey out of your team last minute, you're gonna have a bad time
