The news that over 150,000 FPL managers played their wildcards after Gameweek 1 quite figuratively sent a shiver down my spine. How could they be so short-sighted? Were their teams really that bad? Well here I am about a week later considering playing mine off the back of the news that Diego Costa may be broken again. Anyway Spurs top the league after two clean sheets and some Dier-riffic performances, Man United continue to flummox and City look the dog's. Oh yeh - and there've been some BIG signings to peruse. It's all very exciting but don't get ahead of yourself. Unless your only points last week came from Costa, Giroud and Mata, you shouldn't have too much to worry about.
New Recruits
There's something really sexy about new stuff. I'm pretty sure that's why there's such a plethora of porn out there. Problem with new things is they can often be worse than what you had in the first place. It's always nice to think about, though, and some people are bound to act on impulse so here are our thoughts on the Prem's new boys:
Mario Balotelly (10.0) -- @TOT, AST (H), @WHU
Super Mario will be in the squad at White Hart Lane this weekend after he surreally watched his old team thrash his new one at the Etihad. He had the worst chance conversion rate of any striker in Europe last season (13.3%) and only recorded 4 assists in his time at City so all this waffle about his goals to minute ratio is more puff than pastry if you ask me.
His return is a bit like when that idiot cousin of yours comes to Christmas - there's a decent chance he'll pull his pants down, start playing hide the chipolata with the turkey and ruin the whole festive season in one foul swoop but that's part of the excitement. Football's an entertainment biz at the end of the day - as is fantasy football (although obviously both are very, very important) and if you want to see fireworks (sorry) chuck him in your team. 1.1% already have and aren't the 1% the clever rich ones?
Mario takes his role as Suarez replacement a little too seriously
Angel Di Maria (9.5) -- @BUR, QPR (H), @LEI
Manchester United's new record signing might have a face like a burst potato but was supposedly as good as Ronaldo last year (then why are they selling him?) and has been likened to Robben by LVG (because he has a job to do). Apologies for all the parenthetical extenuations if you happen to be a United fan whose pants are yet to dry, forgive me for being Fantasy-sceptical about a player who got fewer league goals (4) last season than Jonjo Shelvey (6). He weighed in for 17 assists to be fair but the players he was assisting were mighty good. United have lost two, drawn one so far and the manager doesn't even know what formation he wants to play. They will 'come good' eventually - in fantasy terms at least - but there's nothing wrong with sticking him in a few weeks from now once they've sorted their arses from their elbows.
This is just cruel...
Samuel Eto'o (6.0) -- CHE (H), @WBA, CRY (H)
O'old ma'an Eto'o is back in blue. This time Merseyside. Steven Naismith (5.2) has been tearing it up with 9 pts against both Leicester AND Arsenal, though - and there's no way of knowing whether Sammy's gonna be support cast or understudy. He was bit-part at Chelsea last season and his stats were boosted by a hat-trick against United, who we all know now of course are worse than West Brom (see Premier League table). This is not a good early-season signing for your team. Everton's attack has started strong with four goals in two but it's better to find a starter somewhere else than pick around in a 33-year-old packet of Werther's Originals searching for a decent Toffee. Federico Fazio (5.5) -- LIV (H), @SUN, WBA
Remember when we told you not to sign Dier (5.3)? Well this is why. Kyle Walker (5.9) is on the brink of returning (probably next week) and Tottenham have snapped up the 6ft5 Sevilla captain whose eyes could melt your soul by looking at the guy next to you. At just 5.5 and 0.0% ownership, he's a great shout going forward and will surely partner Vertonghen in the only top-6 defence to manage a clean sheet in both games so far. He had the best aerial duel success rate (76.9%) of players who won 50+ headers in La Liga last season - bonus point city.
Phwoar - 5.5 and a pout you can write home about
Buy Low
Gylfi Sigurdsson (6.3) -- WHA (H), @CHE, SOU (H)
All aboard the bandwagon. Playing his favoured role in the hole, with soul, scoring goals, he's better than Scholes - it's Glyfiiiiii Siguroodddoosssoonnn. Get him in.
Lee Cattermole (4.6) -- @QPR, TOT (H), @BUR
Plugging holes 'ain't easy work but someone's gotta do it. Here to provide you with a nice lil' backup for your 3-4-3 is a nailed on starter who scored a belter in GW1 and has six decent fixtures in a row.
Sell High
Olivier Giroud (8.4) -- N/A
It's never a great idea to take massive point hits and dispose of a wildcard this early unless you've really screwed the pooch, have serious injuries or non-starters and are scoring below average every week. Olivey-hair Giroud is another matter, however. He's out until December/January and is must sell.
Yaya Toure (11.0) -- STK (H), ARS (A), CHE (H)
There's no denying the man's talents but the price is just too high. For £11m you can get Siggy, Naismith and a Ford Mustang convertible. Don't sell this week if you can avoid it - Stoke at home could be a mauling and anyone and everyone in sky blue could get involved (I'm talking Navas, Hart, even coaching staff might pick up some fantasy points). Following that they have a tough schedule, though and his explosiveness and penalty prowess don't quite justify the price tag given he's only had one penalty box touch and three goal attempts in his first two games.
Fool's Gold
Nacer Chadli (6.0) -- LIV (H), @SUN, WBA
He scored the same number of goals in 68 minutes against QPR as he did all of last season. 74,000 managers have already transferred him in and they're all mugs. I'll tell you for why - Lamela, Eriksen, Bentaleb, Lennon, Townsend, Capoue, Paulinho, Holtby, Dembele, Sandro. All players who could legitimately take his place. All arguably better than him. Certainly based on last season. Avoid like the plague. Alan Hutton (4.1) -- HUL (H), @LIV, ARS (H)
I've got him in my team because he's a season long play but don't ditch a starter elsewhere for a Villa defender right now - after Hull at home they face Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea, Man City and Everton back to back. That's the worst lineup since every X Factor show ever.
Hang Fire
Alexis Sanchez (10.4)
A lot of people are giving up on Sanchez already but he scored the crucial goal in their Champagne League qualifier against Besiktas and has played the last two games as a lone striker. Alright he's not great at it, but he's more clinical and skilful than Giroud and even he got 16 goals last season. Give the boy a chance. He played for Barcelona for Pete's sake (who's Pete? Answers on a postcard)
Puntsville
Stevan Jovetic (8.1)
Crazy to describe a player who's scored twice and started both games for Man City as a punt but there we are. Aguero (12.0) is nearing full fitness and Dzeko was higher in the pecking order last season - with Negredo waiting in the wings once his boo-boo's sorted let's not forget. If you're going to take a gamble, though - what a player to do it on. His upside is sky-high. He had a brill pre-season, has the manager's backing and the way City play - especially at home - isn't the worst player to have even if he's coming off the bench.
Pic of the Week
The greatest trick the Red Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was LVG
