God, what happened last night? It started off with some terrible Sangria, before moving on to steady central European beers on the beach. Some sturdy pisco sours got the party started, but a bottle of malbec flattered to deceive. The night flew past, I remember sweating balls in a trendy nightclub called Manaus but after that it's all a blank. I woke up bleary-eyed next to a disappointing Brazilian feeling hungover, disappointed in myself, and in need of a long holiday. Should have just stuck to the Becks. I'm getting flashbacks of a scantily clad Frenchman on the Copacabana.
Arsene Wenger spotted doing a pee in the sea. He didn't see it.
Yes, the World Cup! Remember that? Easily brushed aside into the annals of pathetic England performance history, there was plenty of other talent on show. But which of our fantasy stars slinked off home at 9.30 without saying goodbye, and who awoke in the soft morning light, rolled over and was greeted by David Luiz's sweaty crack?
So... how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Many of the players that strutted their stuff on the world's biggest (yet strangely unengaging) stage haven't even started training with their clubs yet. So let's look at a few players you might want to give a few extra week's rest from your fantasy team. On the flip side, players who have had the summer off and a full pre-season are more likely to get off to a flyer.
Alexis Sanchez (10.5m) and Aaron Ramsey (9m)
Part footballer, part beautiful statue, Alexis burst on to the scene (for the casual fantasy football fan) with his displays for Chile in the World Cup. Sadly he signed for Arsenal rather than Liverpool, which means Stevie G obviously hadn't had a chance to tell him he was too good for the gunners, poor chap, subjecting him to a season of excitement followed by disappointment followed by baffle-ment and a stunning lack of general fan hubris and shallow pride about paying the most for their tickets under the illusion that they serve out the best football in all the land. Bitter? Me?! Not at all.
View of Sanchez from an average height
He only started training a few days ago though, and looked off the pace during Arsenal's slow chunter through an abject Manchester City in the Community Shield, and was withdrawn at half time. He's a brilliant talent, but is he worth the 10.5m? Not for me.
If you want value in the Arsenal midfield, plump for Aaron Ramsey. He looked the best player in the league before he was injured last season, with Arsenal on top of the pile at the turn of the year. He's also scored 26 goals in his last 35 games. Nuff said.
Stevan Jovetic (8.0); not Sergio Aguero (12.0)
Kun was a bystander in the charity shield, along with compatriots Pab Zab and Martin Demichelis. Jovetic has been scoring for fun in pre-season with 5 goals in 3 appearances in the cup with more novelty value than Big Mouth Billy Bass smoking a bubble pipe, the International Champions Cup.
It sings! Get it! A singing fish! It even moves it's head!
Although injured for most of last season, Jovetic provides a cheap way into the Man City front line that isn't Edin Dzeko or the injured Negredo. I've nothing against ol' Edin apart from that I think he's really, really bad. Jovetic can create goals, poach them, and is good on the ball. Not a bad option if you can get over their awful display in the Community Shield.
Phillippe 'Little Phil' Coutinho (8.0)
Unlucky to be left out of the Brazil squad (with the benefit of hindsight), he's had a break, full preseason, and has been told to step into a large bucktoothed void in Liverpool's final third. He's also been electric in preseason, instrumental in Liverpool's recent 4-0 win over a strong Dortmund side. Brendan Rogers has described him as the brains of the Liverpool team. And I thought it was Flanagan.
"dat girl's mighty purty, George"
... but enough obscure literary comedy that potentially goes too far I hear you say! What of the other World Cup players?
Avoid
RVP - not going to start this weekend.
Pick
Rooney - unless you are me and hate him and will NEVER pick him
Avoid
Arsenal's Germans Ozil, Podolski and Mertersacher.
Pick
Calum Chambers (this is 50/50 in my opinion as I think Mertersacker might actually play).
Giroud
Other players that didn't make the World Cup who look like they'll start the season in decent form:
Eriksen and Lamela - for some reason, Spurs fans seem to think that they are going to have a great season. Go figure.
Costa and Fabregas - They weren't really at the World Cup were they?
Remy Cabella - Newcastle have finally replaced Yohan Cabaye with this guy. He plays just behind the striker and is meant to be pretty good. A shrewd investment, although they have City first up so maybe one to watch.
