This week my not-so-comic stylings come from a land far far away - namely Australasia. I'm therefore working, as Danny McBride would so eloquently put it, like a fucking neanderthal off a 3G hotspot whilst mozzies munch my tender flesh. Consequently my advice must be short and sweet. And distracted. [itch itch scratch scratch]
Buy Low
Saido Berahino (5.9) --He's done it again. The boy can't stop scoring (stupid saying - he obviously could if he wanted to - and he doesn't) and it's now a stupifying five goals in four. Someone's obviously not listening properly, though, as we big him up every week and he's still only owned by 17.7%. Pick him up and play him hard until the hot streak's over.
Berahino - hot streak
Sell High
Mario Balotelli (9.5) - Statistics can be really upsetting. This one really gets my goat: 2.6% of managers still own Balls o' telly despite his total inadequacies in every branch of the attribute tree that could possible associated with being a professional footballer. He's a laughing stock and shouldn't be seen within twenty miles of a "make transfers" button. In fact, I pretended to put him in just as a laugh and FPL wouldn't even let me.
That button is greyed out for your own protection
Fool's Gold
Samuel Eto'o (5.6) -- Minutes minutes minutes. 90 and a brace against Burnley; 4 and a nothing against Villa; 0 and more nothing against Man Utd. Less reliable than sunshine in England, or non-tropical weather in Cameroon even, Sammy ain't to be trusted.
Trust: Very important in a Fantasy Football relationship
Puntsville, USA
Charlie Austin (5.7) -- QPR grabbed their first win in forever against Aston Villa the other night and Redknapp wasted no time in telling everyone how brilliant he was ('Arry, not Charlie... obvs). The wheels still look set to come off, though, with Ferdinand's inane tweets chirping in the background and Chelsea and Man City for their next two fixtures so this lad's only for those who fancy pulling the rip cord a little closer to the ground.
