With another boring week of international matches more
meaningless than Sylvester Stallone’s monotonous, shouty, dialogue in Rambo out of the way,
everyone is excited for the return of the (Fantasy) Premier League!
Game Talk
Liverpool's English Starlets -- QPR (A), HUL (H), NEW (A)
Will the troublesome twosome Raheem ‘too tired to tango’
Sterling (8.9) and Daniel ‘too thigh-strained to fandango’ Sturridge (11.2) start for
Liverpool, rubbing salt into Roy’s wounded, owly face? These two could tee off
against a hapless QPR team who were humbled by Man U and Spurs, and already
seem destined for relegation without major surgery in January. With the Real
Madrid game around the corner, bringing them in could be a risk, as they
might not play 90 minutes. It could pay off, though, with three easy games on the trot with Hull and Newcastle to come.
In your face Roy Hodgson. Dance. In. Your. Face.
Angel di Maria (10.1) -- WBA (A), CHE (H), MCI (A)
Angel di Maria? Angel delight more like. Who cares if two of
his three assists this season have been awful scuffed shots, and one of his
three goals was a cross? The Fantasy football annals will not asterisk these
stats when historians inevitably look back on them hundreds of years from now. Manchester
United seemed to have picked their own fixture list this year, and this
continues against West Brom this weekend. They’ve looked decent of late, but it
looks like United will try to outscore teams rather than bother to defend. On
the downside, he’s already skyrocketed in price and doesn’t offer much of a
differential at 38.8% ownership. He’s also been to China and back to take on Brazil in the Bird’s
Nest stadium (of Olympics fame) where he played a full 90 minutes in a 2-0
defeat. Still, if he keeps scuffing them in then who’s to argue?
AHHHHHHHHHH....
......SANDWICH!
Ones to watch
Christian Benteke (7.9)
Bentekkers is back (£7.9m, 0.2% ownership), making his first appearance in
godknowshowlong against Man City last gameweek. He couldn’t make an impact but
his touch looked decent and he was relatively sharp. In a Villa team that’s
functioning quite well as a unit, he could offer that extra quality up front
that they’ve been lacking. He’s at Everton this weekend, then QPR, so will
arguably be playing the worst two defences in top flight football in Western
Europe. Could be worth a squirt, if only there wasn’t such a deluge of
attractive striking options at the moment.
Well? Don'cha?
Papisse Cisse (5.9) -- LEI (H), TOT (A), LIV (H)
When he’s hot, he’s magma; when he’s cold he’s the colleague
who pretends not to recognise you outside of work when you say "Hi". Ouch. Yes,
it’s Papisse Cisse! He’s played only the three most recent games this season,
clocking up 22 minutes and 13 points in game one, 45 minutes and a bagel (nil
points) in game two, and 84 minutes and 13 points in game three. He’s only
owned by 0.7% of the known fantasy universe and Newcastle have newly-promoted Leicester up
next at home. Do you dare?
White water rafting Papisse Cisse style!
Diafra Sakho (5.6) -- BUR (A), MCI (H), STK (A)
Can you ignore Sakho any longer? You know, Diafra
Sakho? No, not the guy who plays for Liverpool. You know, the West Ham striker?
No, not the one from the World Cup. Oh never mind, you probably wouldn’t be
interested in him. He’s only got 3 in 3 for a resurgent West Ham, who go to
abysmal Burnley this week, and costs a meagre £5.6m. The football hipster
choice of the week at 1.8% ownership.
Football hipster Jesus Jurgen Klopp. We liked him before it was cool yo.
Mohammed Diame (5.4) -- ARS (A), LIV (A), SOU (H)
Mohammed Diame! Why not? Left foot, right foot, bosh! He’s
the new Yaya Toure now that the old and also original Yaya Toure seems to have
lost his shiny pizazz. Three in his last four, he benefits from the Adebayorism
of playing really well for a short while for his new club then fading into
ignominy. He’s guaranteed to be the biggest midfield presence when Hull go to
Arsenal this week, but the gunners have been flat-track bullies at home in
recent years. A left field choice, but at £5.4m and 1.2% ownership could be a
decent 5th midfield option.
Time to drop...
Ozil, not that anyone had him, as he’s been added to
the Arsenal casualty list, probably until the new year.
Ulloa - is the dream over?
Dier - the dream is definitely over.
Schneiderlin - the dream is dead.
Tom Selleck - moustachioed dreamboat
This picture speaks for itself. Although, wait - is that Zac from Saved By the Bell?
