Gameweek 23 did its best to instantly dispel the giant-killing zeitgeist that that pesky FA Cup tried to get going. Liverpool smashed Wham, Arsenal gunned down Aston Village, Spurs bummed West Bum and United out-foxed Leicester Shitty. Meanwhile Chelsea and City tried to bore each other to death, failed and ended up drawing 1-1 or something, abruptly dispelling the myth that 800 billion people cared. There were Fantasy points galore for HurriKane, Saint Charlie (Santi Cazorla) and Daley Vision (ironically his birth certificate reads "Blind" (...'cause he got two assists... Keep up)). It turned out to be a cracking week for wildcarders so those who blew their wad may well be sitting back content, like no-one who has ever pre-maturely ejaculated ever. This binge drinking mini-holiday weekend, the North London and Merseyside derbies take centre stage and what pretentious little primadonnas they are. Both reverse fixtures ended 1-1, providing little drama and few Fantasy Points earlier in the season. Let's hope this Gameweek has a showstopper ending, then - since those patient enough to save their January Wildcard until now deserve all the pudding rewards that come their way. You can't always get what you want - but if you try sometimes, and read Bantasy Football, you might just might find - you get what you need wanted in the first place - points.
Buy Low
Hector Bellerin (4.4) -- Arsenal | TOT (A)
Yeh, I know. I don't like the idea of buying players who sound like Champagne cocktails either but sometimes you gots ta do what you gots ta do. Who is he? Does it matter? Debuchy's out until mid-April with a dislocated shoulder (since when did anyone need a shoulder to play football?) and Arsenal have had three convincing victories to nil since he came into the side. Add in his goal against Villa and what you've got right there is one of the easiest decisions you'll ever have to make.
Decisions: Sometimes they make themselves
Sell High
Nacer Chadli (6.6) -- Tottenham | ARS (H)
With the absence of Sanchez, Sigurdsson, Bertrand and Costa, all owned by a metaphorical fuck-tonne of teams, there isn't too much room to manoeuvre for most in terms of who gets plopped on the out pile. But if you're Nostredamus and you don't have any of those guys in your team AND you're not on a wildcard, AND you have Chadli (I'm talking to about three people right now and odds are they don't read this blog) but IF I've just described you - well first of all thanks for reading the blog but more importantly, get rid of Chadli. Lamela (7.5) is back now and looks to have established himself as a starter when fit with his ridiculous rabona-onics. At the very least he provides stiff competition for the Belgian and with Spurs still in three competitions, there's gonna be some swippady-swapping. Also Spurs are one of the sides that have a bye in Gameweek 27 so you'll probably want to drop any of them until their double trouble in Gameweek 28 - unless you're confident in your bench.
This dude is way confident in his bench
Fool's Gold
Hugo Lloris (5.6) -- Tottenham | ARS (H)
Lloris might be the most talented 'keeper in the league and last weekend he went balls deep on West Brom with some finger-licking saves. Why 3,318 people have transferred him in this week, however, I will never understand. His heroics have made him top pick in the premium bracket but for why? Spurs face Arsenal this weekend, against whom they never keep a clean sheet. They then face in-form Liverpool away and West Ham at home before a Gameweek off. This is simple stuff people. Raise your hand and then just leave immediately if you're not getting it.
The male brain - real simple stuff
Puntsville, USA
Juan Cuadrado (8.5) -- Chelsea | AST (A)
Juan Cuadrado does plenty; I've been saying for ten months or so. Could he do plenty for your Fantasy team, though? Probably not. He's unlikely to get chucked in the mixer straight off with the wealth of talent Chelsea have in midfield but they've only won two of their last five so maybe Jose will want to shake things up. The next three fixtures are decent but Chelsea are another team with a break for Gameweek 27. This is one punt I think I'd rather send down the river.
Nick Cage does his best wanker impersonation
Pic of the Week
Law school's really expensive even if you don't turn up
