I'm listening to one song and one song only. No, West Ham fans, this isn't a reference to your only decent (stolen) chant; I'm ordering Fish Filet Olivier Giroud for Gameweek 30. Why? He GETS THE PEOPLE GOING! Can he finish? Let him finish. He's a Champion now - a Monster - and he's Stronger than ever. If you're still not feeling the Power, why not sink your fangs into some fresh naked pictures of world-famous Gold Digger Kim Kardashian to lighten up your week? That is, assuming you don't already have the image of her greased Flashing Lights effectively tattooed on the inside of your retinas. Jesus Walks.
Captain Marvel
Olivier Giroud (8.4) -- Arsenal | NEW (A)
If you didn't read the title/don't chew Big Red, then fuck you! A front trio of Austin, Kane and Aguero or Costa is difficult to argue against but if you can squeeze some Olivier in there you may be in for a pleasant surprise. Those with Aguero will likely just give him the armband. But with City and Chelsea both stumbling along like your uncle the morning after St. Patrick's Day and United away to Liverpool in one of those 'anything-can-happen' affairs, we're backing early season flip-flop Giroud to build on his goal against Monaco and continue his run of netting in four straight league games against a Newcastle side who've conceded nine in their last four matches.
Buy Low
Jordan Henderson (6.4) -- Liverpool | MUN (H)
Until recently the mere mention of this Rumplestiltskin-looking motherfucker was enough to make even the most caffeinated pundit fall asleep. Three goals on the trot has made people sit up and take notice of this cut-price nailed-on starter, though - to the extent that over 25,000 punters have already brought him in this Gameweek. His upcoming fixtures (MUN, ARS, NEW) aren't exactly awe-inspiring but the way Liverpool are scoring he's an excellent replacement for Downing (just one assist and no goals in his last seven) or Cazorla (now looks susceptible to rotation and started against Monaco on Tuesday).
Henderson and Rooney: England's "future", God help us
Hold Fire
Alexis Sanchez (11.4) -- Arsenal | (NEW (A))
It's mighty tempting to sell high on Sexy Alexis this week. He hasn't produced much recently, only clocked 64 minutes last weekend and is hella spenny. He remains one of their prime attacking threats, though, and this is the kind of all-or-nout tactic that could backfire on you painfully. Give it another week or so before making any rash decisions. You don't want gun on your face.
Puntsville, USA
Eric Dier (4.6) -- Tottenham | LEI (H)
Spurs have conceded a heinous amount of goals recently and this man has been at fault for a big German handful of them. He's somehow still selected by 10.9% of squads, though, and there's a reason - the Lilywhite's run-in is come-in-your-pants spectacular. Man City at home is their only tricky fixture (leaving aside the fact that Tottenham can find a way to make any fixture tricky for a moment). If you have the now-suspended Coloccini, the now-dropped Wisdom or the recently-spiritually-relegated John O'Shea, ED is a decent stunt cock.
Google it. I dare you.
Fool's Gold
Marouane Fellaini (6.3) -- Manchester United | LIV (A)
"United thumped Spurs and are really mint now so I'm gonna pick one of their cheap-o players even though United midfielders are Fantasy pig shit and they have Liverpool away this Sunday and he won't play every game and he's only scored four times for United ever."
No. This logic is no. Get out.
Don't let your Friday night ruin your Saturday afternoon
Pic of the Week
Just 'cause we're a Fantasy Football site doesn't mean we shy away from sex tips.
