If you've hung out here before, you'll know my passion for fashion Double Gameweeks runs deep.
Like any Fantasy Football manager worth his salt, I've been gearing up to this one for a while - I even took a 12-point hit last weekend to Leicesterise my team (thank you Mr Morgan for saving by beer can (Jamaican pronunciation).
If you're interested in hunting some Foxes, check out last week's post, wherein I heavily endorsed their services. Forgetting Hull because they're all pants, here's some Banterful thoughts on prospective Chelsea and Liverpool signings. You're gonna want three of each, by the way. Think of it as a double date - double the risk, double the potential magic.
Captain Marvel
Eden Hazard (11.3) -- Chelsea | ARS (A), LEI (A) -- OR -- Raheem Sterling (8.5) -- Liverpool | WBA (A), HUL (A)
This decision depends entirely on where you are in your mini-league. If you're number one and intend on staying there, Hazard is the obvious choice. The Player of the Year elect is consistent, on form and the league leaders' main threat with Costa sidelined. He's also going to be captained by anyone with a brain.
That's why if you're lagging behind, you may want to gamble on the nitrous oxide-fuelled Sterling (always wondered how he was so fast). Liverpool have easier fixtures than Chelsea (also both away, sadly) and Sterling has the potential to explode against those weaker adversaries in an advanced role, with Sturridge unlikely to play all, or arguably even most, of the next 120 minutes of football.
It's a tough call though and if you're one of those tortured souls who seems to get stuffed by Lady Luck whatever ostensibly 50-50 decision you make, try flipping a coin to take the weight of the decision of your shoulders, then ignore the coin and make your own decisions, you spineless wretch.
Buy Low
Jordan Henderson (6.7) and Alberto Moreno (5.3) -- Liverpool | WBA (A), HUL (A)
Henderson is legitimately thriving now that Gerrard's mind and spirit have drifted to LA's Silicon Valley - not the tech-start up district, obviously, the bountiful boob one. It's a shock to basically anyone who's ever seen him play football before, evidenced by the fact that "When did Jordan Henderson become good?" is the seventh-most-googled question in 2015 so far, closely following:
Why is Spongebob Squarepants so jacked?
Why isn't the Royal Baby running for President in the general election?
How is Paul Walker in Fast and Furious 7?
What the fuck is a Hell's Kitchen and why does everyone love it so much?
How has Nigel Farage not been assassinated yet? and
Whose dick to I have to suck to get an Apple watch like right NOW?
In many respects it's a wonder he's only in 21.4% of teams given his average of 7.8 points per game over the last seven matches. Now's the time to buy if you haven't already.
Moreno is also a great shout and a must-have for this week if you're short of a Liverpool defender. He's the cheapest guaranteed starter and marauds around like a Viking on rape leave. His goal against Spurs early doors would have been reminiscent of Gareth Bale if he'd ever actually been any good at left-back. Liverpool's only tough game in the run-in is Chelsea away and if I were a bartering man - and I am - I'd bite your arm off for a £5.2m full-back with that kind of potential - and I will.
Sell High
First off, you only want to be selling players this week to facilitate incoming DGW players. Any other transfers are madness when you could essentially BOGOF. If looking at cheapo players you've never heard of, first look at the club, then look at the player, then double check the club.
Christian Eriksen (8.2) -- Tottenham | SOT (A)
He finally scored his first goal in 10 matches against Newcastle on Sunday but it was a bit of a fluke - one of them free kicks what just wafts right in. There's no Double Gameweek for him and Spurs are waning hard.
Don't let the 3-1 scoreline at St James' Park fool you - they've been shocking in each of their last three games. There is no point having Eriksen any more really when so many DGW options are sitting out there. I'd even hang onto the pricier and facially-injured Silva (9.8; late face fitness test (sounds like 2am at Infernos)) ahead of him unless you really need the cash.
Fool's Gold
Dejan Lovren (4.9) | WBA (A), HUL (A)
Love wren caught the eye with a nine-pointer last week but Martin Squirtle is back from suspension this week so don't count on the Croat starting. That's all you need to know on that front, really. So just look at this I suppose:
