After hard-fought, expertly tactical and - let's face it - dull as Ed Balls campaigns, there'll be a couple of Blue Moons rising over London tonight. Publicans will hardly gawk in shock if and when Conservative Chelsea celebrate by clean sweeping away their Northern Red rivals on Sunday in the wake of the news that Shadow Secretary of Chasing Shadows Spaniel Porridge won't be going walkies any time soon. If entertainment's your thing, it's probably not worth staying up until 4pm for.
Meanwhile, Arsenal and Manchester United will try, and fail, to keep the Premier League run-in interesting by losing to Swansea and beating Crystal Palace respectively. It's hard not to get all ennui about this season's end. Thank fudge for Fantasy Football then, and all the delight you can derive therefrom. Bearing in mind we'll be talking up a Double Gameweek 37 for Arsenal and Sunderland next week, let's take a look at which other prospective candidates might take your fancy.
Captain Marvel
Sergio Aguero -- Man City | TOT (A)
A few weeks ago we "ummed" and "aaaah"ed over whether to captain Sergio Aguero or David Silva, because of the latter's superlative home form, before settling on the former. Well neither has set the world alight since, although Kun did bag a goal in that Gameweek (33) and they both scored 8 points last week so it's up to you really. It has to be Man City this week, though. They may have lost the league in embarrassingly comprehensive Lib-Dem-esque fashion but QPR at home is a gift from the Fantasy Gods. I predict a dicking.
Buy Low
Christian Benteke (7.9) -- Aston Villa | WHU (U)
I've come across all democratic for some reason so here comes my top tip for the week: Everyone's top tip for the week.
102,000 Fantasists have brought in Bentekkers so far and 102,000 people can't be wrong, surely... can they? Otherwise there'd be no point in elections. If goals are your thing, this guy's got your back - 10 in his last 8 is absurd considering he plays for a team two points above the drop. Also his last three fixtures are lovely - and it's nice to have lovely things.
Sell High
Harry Kane (6.4) -- Tottenham | STO (A)
Getting rid of something useless or annoying can feel just as good as getting something lovely so why not purge yourself of everything Tottenham?
My love of the HurriKane will never wane but a lack of Fantasy points causes me pain so... bye, Kane.
Stoke isn't exactly the kind of place Spurs tend to go and score a ship-tonne of goals and you'll need to make room for the likes of Benteke and Giroud. One goal in five, as I'm sure many pundits have reminded you, is fewer goals than he scored in the five matches prior to that (six). That is a bad thing. Don't have bad things.
Fool's Gold
Nacer Chadli (6.2) -- Tottenham | STO (A)
You know how 120,000 people can't be wrong? Well 12,000 demonstrably can be. That's how many donuts have transferred in Chadli so far this week. The lad's slower than treacle and about as much use as Milifandom. His 10 goals this season is fairly impressive but playing time is not guaranteed - Poch might well undertake the LVG approach of tinkering recklessly with formation and starters until something sort of brilliant accidentally happens. It works in Mortal Kombat.
Coming to a stadium near you: MP coolly celebrates after relentless button-bashing victory
