That is the question. Well, it's a question at least. One that Jermain Defoe (£5.0m) was probably asking himself whilst staring out the window in Toronto one January morning when it was -40 degrees outside. Contemplating... "Sunderland... I mean, it will still be cold and miserable there in the Summer, but maybe I, the big J-Dizzle can bring sunshine to the people of the North! Half-man super-sub no longer, a King In The North. To Sunderland!"
"Hodor", said Hodor, to Hodor
Or, maybe, not to Sunderland. The double gameweek could bring more pain than gain for Sunderland in the league, with some fans worried that the extra game at the Emirates may not be good for their goal difference. They currently sit above Newcastle by a mere 4 goals, and could conceivably ship these at home to Leicester and away to Arsenal. Are you really going to pay 4 points, 8 points, or even 12 points to get these losers in!? Go on, don't be a chicken, have a cheeky gamble! Or a cheeky nandos. That's basically your choice this week, people, and it's a piri piri difficult one.
But seriously, what is a cheeky Nandos?
From chicken to eggs. Bad eggs. Eggs that mug grannies, biker eggs with chains and Nazi tattoos (worst egg-painting session ever), that hang out in dive bars on the edge of town and deal speed to young impressionable eggs. It is of course Omelet United's trip to... wait hang on, I mean QPR at home to Newcastle. It would be so typical for a completely abject, already relegated, hoops team to put in a performance when it's too late. If you don't feel like backing Defoe, Wickerman, Fletcher or Graham, Charlie Austin could be a sound choice for a cheap striker this week. Still, whilst we are on the subject of players literally not giving one shit, Schalke have suspended Kevin-Prince Boateng and Sidney Sam, who have been told 'they can find new teams'.
Otherwise, the other games look quite tight, with many of
the in-form teams playing away from home. Villa, Everton & Leicester
all face tricky opposition at Soton, Sunderland and Wham respectively. City away
at Swansea now looks close after their result at Arsenal on Monday. Chelsea and Spurs are on the beach, albeit very different ones, with Tottenham players turning out their sandy cracks against a desperate Hull side, and Boring Boring Chelsea taking on Tony Penis's West Bum away. I can't wait to see Carra and Neville analyse that on Monday Night Football. Tuesday's papers probably won't read 'Goalfest at The Hawthorns'.
FIFA 15 has a 'park the bus' option. Manchester United's 'Throw money at all problems' strategy to be added next year
Captain Marvel
Alexis Sanchez (£11.5m) - Man United (A), Sunderland (H)
Arsenal fans will tell you how good Olivier Giroud is, but in the words of Paul Merson "he ain't winning you the league". Alexis is the kind of player who could. He's a consistent points-scorer with 16 goals and 8 assists this season and looks a safe bet. You could conceivably go for Giroud or Ramsey, who's picking up a bit of form, but I'd plump for Dr. Sanchez. Boring, but it was boring to captain Aguero last week for a 46 point return.
Home of the Dull City Tigers
Buy Low/Sell High
Buy Aleksandar Kolarov (£5.7m) - Swansea (A) Sell Cesar Azpilicueta (£6.2m) - West Brom (A)
Kolarov is usually one to avoid as he's in and out of the side in rotation with Clichy. He's played the last three though, and has two goals, one assist, and two clean sheets. Meanwhile Azpilicueta has been relieved of his duty with what can only be seen as Filipe Luis being put in the shop window before his potential return to Atletico in exchange for someone who doesn't have really shit hair ploy.
So this one seems a bit leftfield. Cleverly was the future of Manchester United and England at one point, the man seen as the natural replacement for Paul Scholes back in 2011 and boy has his star waned. He's scored three in three under Tactics Tim though, who seems to be getting the best out of him where Ferguson, Moyes and the Hodge failed. I don't know what this means. Sterling is the opposite, he's the current star of the national side but isn't doing the business on the pitch. At least from a fantasy point of view, as you don't get points for putting a shift in for a team lacking a point of attack.
Oooooooops
Puntsville, USA
Charlie Austin (£6.2m) - Newcastle (H)
As mentioned earlier, it wouldn't be surprising if QPR upped their game now that there's nothing to play for. Charlie Austin must be playing for a move to stay in the premier league, and Newcastle really are hopeless. He's not really in any kind of form, but hey, it's Puntsville USA!
Special shout out to my friend Edar who was at the last QPR game, describing it as 'a great day out in a lovely city'
Fool's Gold
Jordi Gomez (£5.1m) & Danny Graham (£4.7m) - Leicester (H), Arsenal (A)
These guys are on fire after their emphatic win over Everto...oooh wait, did anyone see that game? Sunderland won that game by mistake, with Gomez kicking the ball into Graham to score a goal of the season contender, before Johnson repeated the feat by smashing it into Defoe for goal number two.
