If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Save for the fact that submitting to this mantra is the quickest route I can think of to becoming a defeatist supine sheep, in Fantasy Football this week it is almost entirely necessary to follow the crowd. That little Wildcard button has been punched more times than Rihanna and the prices of every player who's scooped up as much as an assist are shooting up accordingly. Aguero, Yolo Toure et al. have risen in price and it's only Wednesday - Mahrez is already 5.7! - and more are sure to follow. I couldn't bear to look at Sterling's stupid head anymore and I want all these exciting new bitches up in my team so I've gone full Greedy Gus and hit the red button.
Nom Nom Nom delicious loneliness
Captain Marvel
Sergio Aguergoal (13.1 por ahora) -- Man City v EVE (A)
If Rooney hadn't been such a damp squid (sick) thus far I'd be tempted to hand him the armband against a shaky Newcastle but his shit has been weak. Sakho has a sweet home tie against Boremouth but he let me down last week. Ergo, get Aguero in your side and captain him sharpish. Everton are down a Baines and conceded two at home to new-look (i.e. none of their players have met each other) Watford. Hat-trick City.
Buy Low
So many candidates. Not enough people are reading for me to list them all. Have a snaptwat of my current wildcardy side (subject to eleventy thousand tweaks before Saturday 11:45) and scout for yourself.
Mahrez, Gomez, Aguero and Barkley are all bloomin' obvious. Benteke arguably hasn't earned his place given he scored a tap-in that should have been disallowed but he remains Looperville's main attacking threat and has scored 13 in his last 12 Prem games. Targett and Oxford remain risky in terms of playing time but I can't imagine playing them that often as my front three is immense and Mahrez is a beast with great fixtures. There's no City defensive coverage in there yet which is disappoint (sick again) but the attacking threat more than compensates. In fact, the more I write about it the more I want to marry this team and let it have my children. Wake me up when I've won the whole bloody thing.
Sell High
Again, too many disappointments to shame but these lot have really ground my gears and are ripe for a sacking: (Walking in) Memphis Depay 8.5 -- Man Utd v NEW (H)
This boy shoots like he's angry with the ball and wants it as far away from him as possible. You're never going to captain him and LVG is brave enough to drop him if he keeps playing this wank. Goals against Belgium C don't count. Don't do Depay, kids. Just say Coutinho.
Raheem (Not) Sterling Silva (9.0) -- Man City v EVE (A)
An uncaptainable midfielder who is more expensive than Yolo Toure (8.5) and less productive in every way than David Silva (10.0) is not worthy of your precious Pounds Sterling. Switching to another City mid is risky unless you're wildcarding as Raheem will still start every match, still has electric pace and is still playing in an advanced position for the league's most bodacious attack but City haven't had to do much counter-attacking yet and Sterling's squandered the few chances he's had so far. He also has a tendency to drift into wide positions when City are turning the screw and has already missed 30 minutes of footy. What an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven days ago to think he'd be my Fantasy saviour.
Fool's Gold
Bafetimbe Gomis (7.1) -- Swansea v SUN (A)
The Swans have puffed out their chests with four goals so far and it's sensible to to bring one of their number into your side but Gomis is not the answer. He's in the twilight of a career in which he's never exceeded 16 league goals a season and he only bagged 7 in the Prem last season from 31 appearances. Bottom line: he's just not very good and his price has already gone up. For c. 1.5 more you could have the irrepressible Bentekkers and for just 1 more you could Lukaku (sick all over the place).
Bargain Bucket
Boaz Myhill (4.5) -- West Brom -- CHE (H)
It's not often I tout keepers but if you're reconstructing your squad and favour the cheap goalie rotation policy, look no further than the inexcusably dubbed Boaz (although, real name Glyn...) Myhill. The Baggies are a clean sheet machine under Pulis and have a nice set of fixtures after this week's visit from shell-shocked Champions Chelsea and Myhill already picked up 3 BPs for a MotM display against Watford. Allow him to protect your underwater layer.
