Gameweek 10: Back to the Bantasy Football

The Northern Powerhouses ruled Gameweek 9: The Cities of Newcastle and Manchester went for Elevenses in Gameweek 9 but it were the Tyne club what scored more with half a dozen and the suddenly irrepressible George Whynowthen... has Fantasy punters up and down the Isles chasing points with his quadruple at home to Norwich. 

Meanwhile three goals and three assists were spread betwixt five different United players, emphasising the whole team's Fantasy Football futility. They'll get another chance to show just how frustrating they can be this weekend when Marouane Foullaini starts up front and bags a brace in the Mancunian derby.

In the interests of partial disclosure - and as some of Bantasy Football's more eagle eyed readers (well, Joe) have been at pins and needles to point out - my besmirching of Kun Aguero prior to his Gameweek 8 fivesome was perhaps ill-advised. In the interests of hubris and self-promotion, however, I would humbly suggest y'all cast yer peepers on the following rationale:

"...There's also every chance his hamstring will snap in seven during training and you'll need to find a replacement anyway."

Alexis Sanchez (11.4) -- Arsenal | EVE (H)

Sanchez has been filthy over the last three weeks, snagging 36 points to categorically shutface any doubters of his elite Fantasy status. This week he's at home to an Everton side that conceded an average of two goals against United, City and Chelsea. With 11 goals in their last three and stoked by a thrilling (if pointless) comeback against Bayern midweek, the Gunslingers will surely make pudding out of those hapless Toffees. Make him your skipper and you'll get double digits in return*. 

George Whynowthen... - Newcastle | SUN (A)

Scoring four goals and not registering any assists is just selfish. Isn't this guy meant to be a playmaker? For realz, doe: Georgio is in classic Fool's Gold territory: Does next to nothing for eight weeks then nearly doubles his entire tally in one splendiferous pointpocalypse. Still, he's a budget Dutch international and clearly has the goods to put in a boomer now and then. Next up is the frequently-firework-filled Tyne-Wear derby. Newcastle's subsequent four opponents read like a list of teams that should be in The Championship and somehow he's still only owned by 4.3%... is everyone seeing what I'm seeing?

Aleksandar Kolarov (6.1) -- Man City | MUN (A)

Setting aside for a moment the fact that City haven't kept a clean sheet in five Premier League matches, the full-back sitch at the Etihad is a mess. Zabaleta looked to have the spot nailed down upon return from injury but El Pells cast shadowy doubt over his fitness when he brought on FPL's highest-scoring defender Sexy Lexy Kolarov for the final thrust of their Champions League comeback against Sevilla. There's also Bacadi Sagna. To have £6.1m invested in a defender who probably won't start and will likely get subbed if he does is fool's math. You're not being fancy spending all those readies on a bust. Switch in Hector Bellerin (5.8m; two clean sheets on the trot) and use the spare £300k to treat yourself to a nice Benedict cummerbund and a seven-course tasting dinner at one of them tyre-starred restaurants (pronounced the French way). 

Raheem Sterling (8.8) -- Man City | MUN (A)

We were all having Kittens over our little Starling's Fantasy potential pre-season. Pre-, that is, Catching our tongues when he turned out to be Dogshite at scoring goals IRL. Woof. He's laid an egg in the 'goal' column every week save for two but his first-half hat-trick last weekend had everyone drooling. Call me "chicken" but I'm not willing to Cowtow to a midfielder who's brought home so little beef on a consistent basis; one good game does not constitute momentum. He's not exactly deer at 8.8 - and having double City coverage wouldn't exactly be mad, but for a poultry 1.5 more you could go stag with Kev De Bruyne then Pig out when Aguero's Hammy's better. 

For those of you still living in the past (yesterday):

*NOT a naval fingerbang joke.