Black Friday - a day the internet says 'isn't actually a real holiday' (whadda they know?) - originated in America in the 1960s, but how did it actually start?
It was Fall (or Autumn for my English chums) 1962.
The great Mid-West turkey famine had ruined thanksgiving for literally thousands of Americans.
For them there was no turkey day.
Dark times.
Dark, dark Thursday times.
"Jeez Chet, I have nothing to be thankful for this year" thousands of people were heard saying across the country.
The day after was even worse, and so they called it Black Friday.
The end.
Is this really what happened? What's this got to do with shopping? What's this got to do with fantasy football? Why would anyone name their son 'Chet'? Who knows!?
...and it's not actually a real holiday
Deals of the day!
Your captain marvel choices for this week:
Hurrikane (£9.5m) - Spuds vs. Chelski (a)
Here I am! Dun dun da da! ROCK you like a Hurrikane! Goes the famous Scorpions ballad, back when music videos had pulsing tubes and wild cats in them! But it's Kane who had a two goal sting in his tail last year when Spurs took on the Champions elect from SW6 and stunned them in a 5-3 mauling. Just imagine what he could do against those hopeless doppelgangers pretending to be Chelski this year. HK's scored seven goals in his last three games, which points to more storm warnings for Cesc Fannybras et al come Saturday.
Romelu Lukakucakes (£8.9m) - Everton vs. Bournemouth (a)
Put your hand in the Lukacookie jar this week and be richly rewarded. Five goals and two assists in his last three is no Belgian waffle, and Bournemouth are already looking like dead certs to go down. Perhaps a safer choice than Harold Kane I, who will be travelling to one of the furthest parts of Europe on Thursday - Baku, Azerbaijan. It's so far in fact, IT'S NOT EVEN IN EUROPE! Apparently the 'a' in Europa stands for 'almost'.
A map of Europe. Wait. What?
Kun Aguero (£13.1) Man Citeh vs. Soton (h)
There's little to choose between these two aforementioned goal machines, but what about the ultimate point crusher, the Argentine Ford Mustang of Bantasy Football; expensive, breaks down a lot, but boy does it do the bizznizz. If you can afford him, get him in, but I'm guessing you can't.
I like to think of this blog as sweet, sweet fanny pack pudding
Deals of the Century!
Ross Barkley (£6.9m) Everton vs. Bournemouth (a)
Every season young Ross gets massively over-hyped, freaks out, gets injured, then comes back and is quietly really quite good. Get on it before everyone realises as much and he blows out again.
Jack Butt-man! (£4.7m) Stoke vs. Sunderland (a)
Five clean sheets in his last six. Two man of the match triple bonus point sandwiches. With extra ham. Nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna Butt-man! Coming to the rescue for Stoke time and time again. The Joker's coming? Call Butt-man. Two Face? Call Butt-man. Sunderland's miserable attack? Butt-man.
Noone messes with Adam We
Deals on Wheels!
These guys are movers and they're only going upwards.
Mesut Ozil (£9.1m) vs. Norwich (a)
So, his eyes are offside's gone from £8.4m to £9.1m in the last few weeks on his rise to being the second-highest scoring midfielder in the game. He's bagged 5-13-12-5-10-8-8 points in his last seven weeks. That's phenomenal. He's got Norwich, Sunderland, Villa as his next three. Time to get him in even though you can't even see the boat you've missed any more? Perhaps.
Phil Coutinho-ho-ho (it's nearly Christmas, an actual real holiday) (£8.4m) Livercool vs. Swansea (h)
With four goals in his last three, three man of the matches and double figures scored in each week, they're gonna have to start calling Lil' Phil "Deenzel Washintinho" because he's burning up! He will be rested in mid-week for a slight hamstring injury so should be fresh for the weekend, but may be a slight risk.
Star Chores
Turkeys
Wes Hoolagan (£4.9m and falling) Norwich vs. Arsenal (h)
Was once a good budget option, but alas now hardly gets a game for the turgid canaries.
Matteo Darmian (£5.6m) Man U vs. Leicester (a)
Expensive and doesn't get a regular game, currently being held out of the team by defensive technician Ashley Young. He may play this week, but at the best team in the country, Leicester. Don't get too excited. Go to hell, Darmian.
