If, like me, you captained your best player, you probably had a bad time. If, like me and thousands of other bozos, you transferred in Kane, you definitely had a bad time. If, unlike me, you can figure out what in David Attenborough's 4K HD jungle hell is going on this FPL season, I'm bright green envious in the literal (and correct) meaning of the word. I'm not jealous and if you can't figure out why, either you need an English lesson or you overestimate my FPLability (eat your heart outIain Dowie- making up words is simpy).
Sick teen, weak game in briefs
Tom Softy
Moving swiftly on to Gameweek 17, because sometimes pain is ugly...
Captain Marvel
Any Chelsea attacker you can get your turkey-stained hands on | SUN (H)
Chelsea definitely have by far the best fixture this week - home to Sunderland.
Sunderland( i/ˈsʌndərlənd/, local /ˈsʊnᵈlən/)
noun
1. A place near the bottom of the league, often Aston Village adjacent
"Sunderland haven't seen the top half of the table since Donald Trump was only moderately hated"
2. An unmitigated defensive disaster, liable to concede three goals to Norwich at any given moment
"Sunderland let in three goals against Norwich at home and are therefore shithouse"
verb
1. to expectedly capitulate away from home "Man Utd Sunderlanded pretty hard last week against Bournemouth"
Origin
Late Middle English: apparently symbolic of overstaying one's welcome in the top flight
Buy Low
My Little Kone (4.8) -- Everton | Leicester (H)
Kone's done nothing for weeks. Which means... he's about to do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. He starts every game and Leicester aren't going to win the league. And if that's going to not happen, they have to start losing games pretty much right now. If you don't put Kone in your team, you think Leicester are going to win the league. Do you really want that to be something people think about you?
Buy High
Sleighton Baines (6.1) -- Everton | Leicester (H)
He's back. The Bantasy darling. 6.1 is dear for most defenders but it's a bargain for arguably the best player in Fantasy over the last few years. His PKs, FKs and BPSs practically make him a winger and all those acronyms would make him a mighty fine candidate on the apprentice, which is absolutely everyone's barometer for success.
My little business plan
1. Get Sleighton 2. You're fired (up the league table)
Gary Poulton didn't want to dance around Jeb Bush so he left a sour taste in the client's pie
Fool's Gold
Philipp Wollschied (4.4) -- Stoke | CPA (H)
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But even an aromatically gifted flower wouldn't want to be called WellShite. The lad's not well shite by nature in his to be fair but he does play for the Potters, who are no longer the defensive powerhouse they were when that memorable chap with the baseball hat was at the helm. More importantly, they have Palace (who have seven goals in their last three), United and free-scoring Everton as their next three. Not a merry Xmas and, despite his tempting price, not someone who's going to bring in many points for you.
