Whilst most of y'all will presently be spending the majority of your days dreaming of wildcarding all over the gaffe and dipping into your chips, we politely remind you that Gameweek 32 has to happen before all the Double Gameweek excitement kicks off. It's not as glamorous as what's behind door number 34 but it shouldn't be forgotten. As the internet is quick to remind us, not all heroes wear capes...
Leaning tower of pizza
Captain Marvel
Jamie Vardy (7.9) -- Leicester | SOU (H)
Not as explosivo as Aguero or powerful as the HurriKane but reliable as rain in England and for England is James Vard-man. He has only blanked in three of his last ten and Southampton haven't kept a clean sheet in six matches. Give him the armband and he'll give you double figures. Don't be greedy and arx for more than that when the fantasy deities are about to shower you with bountiful DGWs. Play it cool. It's time to demonstrate your aptitude for not getting too excited.
Buy Low
Cesc Fabregas (8.4) -- Chelsea | AST (A)
For most of us, wildcards will be played next week and so any GW32 transfer in is a bit of a hit and run. Accordingly, we've gone for Chest Fannybras. There are no double gameweeks for Chelski until GW 37 but that matters not if you're going for a full reshuffle next week. Cesc's got Aston Village this weekend and is hot off a brace. You may even consider sneakily giving him the armband if you feel like ignoring the above advice. Not having Costa to feed might be a hindrance at first blush but it actually seems to give the Spaniard more licence to roam forwards. All the more reason to get rid as part of your GW33 evacuation plan.
Sell High
Aguero 13.6 -- Man City | BOU (A)
Every time I suggest selling Aguero because he's overpriced and injury prone he scores five goals and I get ridiculed. Then he gets severely injured the following week and I smugly search the internet for memes that can aptly, if tenuously, demonstrate just quite how smug I am. It's usually very smug. This time should be no different. Expect him to bosh Bournemouth with a hat-trick, then hurt his hip in a hapless hip-hop mishap immediately afterwards. It's also worth noting that his sole double gameweek involves a trip to Stamford Bridge and that he's blanked in four of his past five games. Aguero is either the King of Fantasy or full-blown Emperor's New Clothes. Are you paying the best part of 14 mil for an illusion, or buying loads of other players with all the mullah you're saving by not having him?
Fool's Gold
Dan 'E minor' Welbeck (7.3) -- Arsenal | WAT (H)
This goes out to all those who get all sweaty and cross-eyed at the sight of an Arsenal striker scoring goals for the first time in a long while. I'm dedicating this to anyone who thinks they can ably predict whom Wenger will be playing upfront in three weeks' time. As soon as the bass kicks in you'll be left with a bum note and a blank spot in your team. If you're reading this, you're listening to the jazzed-out sonorophic melodies of Welbeck sitting on the bench the next time that metronome strikes left.
