And lo! In Gameweek 28 it was decreed that the BPL crown shall go to the least worst of the top four. Liechester's draw at home to West Borem looked at first blush like the first step down a honey-glazed snake slope to fifth place. In fact, it transpired to be the foot of a right magic mini ladder to a three-point cushion atop the Prem, with Spuds getting Whamed, Arse arsing around at home with Swans and Man Shitty getting Loopervilled good and proper. What did it mean for Fantasy? A dastardly average of 35 points and blanks for Agueroooo, Mesut-eyed Oezil and the HurriKane. What to do now? Nothing. You'll need those two transfers for the butthurt blizzard of Gameweek 30. Desperate to shift some foolz anyway and trade like a Wall Street Wolf? We're here for you. As Donald Trump would say, "something something something Mexicans."
Buy Low
Kasper Schmeichel (4.6) -- Liechester (WAT (A))
Those of you looking to jettison Cech (crocked hammy) or Adrian (upcoming fixtures: EVE (A); BLANK; CHE (A)) can find un amigo en Kasper the friendly man betwixt the posts. The Foxes are cup-free and have a wet dream of a fantasy fixture list. It would all be so perfect if I didn't have that niggling feeling that gravity is sneaking up on the league leaders to bring them crashing back down to Earth.
Sell High
Laurent Koscielny (6.3) -- Arsenal
"Expected back 12 March" is not what you want to hear when all that needs to happen to delete the Gunners' 12 March fixture from the schedule is for them to beat Hull in the FA Cup. A premium defender slated to miss two matches at this crucial stage of the season isn't worth carrying. Just get in Virgin Van Dijk. Everyone loves a bit of Dijk.
I've never heard of Nova but the rest of this checks out
Fool's Gold
Roberto Firmino (8.1) -- Liverpool -- CPA (A)
Everyone's loving the little Firm one, and with good reason - he's a mid playing up front and producing big time (66 points in the past 7). He's up against Pardew's Palace, who are mid-rot and look as if they're more likely to get elected POTUS than a clean sheet at the moment. Yet Bobby's in the Fool's Gold section. For why? For game theory, chumps - don't you forget it. 6-8 points this week 'ain't worth a blank in GW30. I guarantee you're at risk of not fielding a full squadron for the GWThirtyburger so bringing in someone who's playing both matches is a no-brainer. And what if Firmino blanks this week? Then what? Don't embarass yourself.
Bargain Basement
Matt Ritchie (5.3) -- Bournemouth -- NEW (A), SWA (H)
Remember pre-season when this man was the FPL swallocks? Well forget everything that's happened since then and listen up. B-mo are deece at home to shithouse opposition - Think 2-0 v.s. Squanderland; 3-0 v.s. Norwich, and just the other day 2-0 v Soton. They're not shabby against poor oppos away either - I'm talkin' 4-3 v.s. August Wham and 1-0 v.s. December Chelsea. Ritchie Ritch is back in the swing with 27 points in his last 5 matches and up next are Newcastle (A) and Swansea (H). Bantasy points are his destiny, set pieces his conduit and no nasty fixture breaks to wreck your mojo. Take aim. Get him in your team. Bullseye.
Someone nose not what they're doing
Pic of the Week
Today's theme: you can never have too much Groening
