Not the name of your favourite country and western band, not what you'd find at an anorexic brothel, and not Eminem's half brother, the real Slim Pickens, but what's on offer at this week's fantasy buffet: Lean cuts of advice right off the bone. No fuss, no mess. Half a paragraph at best.
Photo Buffet For You
Touch Them, Touch MY Nutguts
Seal-Dog Approaches
Munch United, Wham, Evercrap, Crystal Penis and two other teams that I can't be bothered to work out are not playing this weekend, deciding instead to try and win the FA cup for exactly 0 fantasy points. We'd only care about the 'magic of the cup' if the FA awarded double fantasy points in it, but they probably won't, those sticks in the mud, just like they won't increase the premier league to 39 games and have one in the USA with cheerleaders and hot dogs. For some reason.
USA! USA! 4 MORE YEARS! EAT THAT DOG!
If you have taken our advice, or have some common sense, you will have rejigged your team to take maximum advantage of the double gameweeks in weeks 33 and 34, and now you are probably wondering why. Left with fewer points than those we poured our scorn on for leaving Hurrikane, Bamidele Alli, and Toby Al'-ever-it's-spelled in their teams, we are set for another lean week with our United, Everton, and Wham heavy teams. It's likely you'll just have to be brave and make at least three subs. No risk, no reward!
Don't Be This Kid
Captain Fantastic
Hurrikane, not Aguero (who will probably play, but might be rested before the Real game).
Rest: Underrated
Sell High
Those disappointing United players (Martial, Smalling, Rashford, Rooney, Darmian...)
Man U suck, you never know who's going to play at the back or up front, and they have no game, followed by Leicester.
Buy Begrudgingly
Hurrikane, Dele Alli, and Danny Rose
Spurs now favourite to win the league, no rotation risk or other games... blah blah blah
Relevance: Overrated
Fools Gold
Roberto Firmino & anyone in Liverpool's best XI
Whilst he scored 14 points last week, he's not a sure fire starter in the Rafa Benitez derby, the man whose Real problems have turned into the real possibility that he may be coaching in the Championship rather than the Champions League next year. Liverpool will likely play a similar team to that which played Bourne-mouth, resting key players for the semi final Wafer Cup game against Villarreal and allowing Klopp to have a look at the squad before the summer overhaul.
