This is (nearly) it! The final (double) Gameweek. The last (realistic) chance to climb your mini-league. It's sink or swim; shit or get off the pot; nut or... don't nut. Those who score badly this week were never trying anyway, had a really important meeting they couldn't get out of just before the transfer deadline and/or are sick. There's a plethora of upside-bandits to choose from, many of whom carry rotation risk, poor form and/or a case of the 'nothing-to-play-for's - we're here to set the studs from the spuds. Let's kick things off with a kinky little game I like to play called, "Pick my Triple Captain". Ooh yeh, that's the spot.
(Triple) Captain Marvel
Dimitri Payet (8.5) -- West Ham | SWA (H) and MUN (H)
First off, I just wanna say that the thought of tripling a double gameweeker has me all tingly. I know some of y'all will already have done this but I'm a first timer over here and lemme tell you: It feels fandabulous to be popping my TC cherry.
Now, brass tax - Dim by name is not so by nature and whilst the Hammers ostensibly have little at stake, you can expect the fans to get right roudy for Upton Park's two final games of the ever. United have defended well recently so I'd temper expectations on that front but anything Payet gets in that game will be a juicy side dish to the delectable can of pwnage burger he's sure to crack over the agog faces of Swansea's weak-ass defenders. Eight conceded in their last three, playing away and nout to play for? That'll be a drubbin'.
Buy (Rather) Low
Mark Noble (5.5) -- West Ham | SWA (H) and MUN (H)
Marky Mark has scored four goals in two games. You read that right. Or did you? I double (triple) checked this like seven times and I'm still not certain. Might even call the dubious (about whether) goals (have actually definitely been scored) panel... just to be safe. Either way the points are his and if Barclays continue to make such blatant accounting errors, he could have 50 FPL points this week. If so, you're gonna wanna be on the receiving end of those anomalies. Also 5.5 for a DoubleGameweeker? In these times of recession? Bargarific.
Sell (Quite) High
ALL THE LIVERPOOL v.s. Who cares? (Not Liverpool)
This makes more sense if Liverpool get knocked out tonight but I wrote for either eventuality so figured you may as well have both of them.
Liverpool go through
Liverpool's win in the Yellow Submarine derby means it'll be all Brazilians on deck chairs until the Wiffy Crap Final. Expect to see lots of little'uns of whom even your die-hardiest Scouse mates have never heard suiting up for drubbings at the hands of average teams.
Liverpool go out
Liverpool are out of top four contention and have probably had enough of the Wafer Cup after losing the Yellow Submarine derby. You might think "They'll concentrate on the league now. Great. Firmino's gonna bag me pointaloons." Nope, tho. They CBA.
('JK' means 'joking' in internet)
Fool's Gold
Diego Costa (10.5) -- Chelsea | SUN (A) and LIV (A)
I don't know what's happened to Costa del Gol - maybe someone took away his beach ball or something - but he is now balls. 15,000 dullards have sought fit to bring him in, in a bid to win most unimaginative transfer since they put in Aguero and Sigurdsson pre-season. This is what freakonomists refer to as presteige pricing - i.e. people pay through the nose for expensive bollocks because it's expensive, in spite of the fact that it's bollocks. You don't always get what you pay for. Save the dubloons and do a proper upgrade elsewhere. Or transfer him in and watch me overtake you like a boss. Hashbrown whatevs#.
Pic(k) of the Week
(Also works without the 'F')
This week's theme was superfluous parentheses. Thanks for (almost) playin'.
