Welcome to Gameweek 5, where the men are separated from the boys, the wild wildcard and the uninterested lose interest. Have some Bantasy advice, hot off the press to keep you on top of the bucking bronco that is FPL. Gird your loins and have a preparatory cayenne pepper shot to ready yourself for the most enticing Gameweek yet.
Buy Low
Kimchee Mayo IheNacho - £7.0m (Boremouth (H))
Whose cheese? NACHO CHEESE!
He could be YOUR cheese though, for a mini Babybel £7m. Come on, you can practically pick that out the back of your sofa. Don't spend that cheddar on a Greggs cheese and onion bake; you're disgusting. Instead, pick up a hot, fresh, perfectly-melted Ihenacho.
Here's why: We all love Sergio 'always captain' Aguero, but he can't play due to being a bit fast and loose with the ol' Alan Shearer sharpies. Instead he's smashing hat-ricks against Borussia not-so-Glad-he's-Bach (weather permitting). Kelechi got 7 minutes and a goal against them, meaning he's fricka-fricka-fresh for a start on the weekend against a leaky Watford defence. Get him while he's toasty and capitalise on a glut of points against shaky, second seasonitis Bournemouth.
Hands up if this was the joke you were expecting here?
Buy Everton Defenders. That's an order.
And no, I don't mean fool's gold Mason Holgate. Seamus Coleman (£5.4m) plays right back for Everton because he's really good and not a child. Either he or Leighton Baines (£5.5m) would be good shouts, if you couldn't pick up Ashley Williams for £5.0m (M Night Sha Mulan twist for ya there). The Toffees haven't conceded a goal since the Welsh wizard signed, and for the present at least he seems like a good option, with games against Middlesborough (H), Bournemouth (A) and Crystal Penis (H) coming up.
Alan Pardew's hard to penetrate flat back five with one up top
Don't Buy!
Jack Wilshire - £5.9m (@ Man Citeh)
I mean, this seems like a classic fantasy strategy: A faded talent who'll excel at a smaller club... apart from the fact that he hasn't started a game this season, is an injury magnet and is playing bloody Man Citeeeeeh this weekend. If you do want a Bournemouth midfielder, why not Josh King (£5.5m) -Available for less, plays up front, and will be the man on the end of Wilshire's through balls if he does happen to start.
Maybe Buy
To buy or not to buy... Michail Antonio (£7.1m). On the one hand, he's scored four goals in three starts this season. On the other, he might play in defence and Wham have been decidedly poor this season, collapsing against Watford last week. West Bum are decidedly stingy at the back too, so it's looking like a close call. In the same price bracket, you could pick up Mirallas (£6.6m), who's scoring and playing more than Barkley (£7.7m) for The Ev; Lallana (£7.1m), who although playing deeper seems to be arriving late in the box more for free-scoring Liverpool or Capoue (£4.8m); who's playing much further forward now Watford have moved to a back three and has somehow learned to shoot since his Tottenham days and been bringing home the bacon.
