It's the most wonderful time of the year... if you're a seasoned fantasy pro that is. Don't beat yourself up if you've had a slow start to the season, it's been a weird one. Be grateful, however, for the festive fixture list. Casual players who might occupy top spots in your mini-leagues will start to crash and burn. They may think they're fantasy king-pins now but they don't know anything about the gruelling daily grind for those of us that live and breathe FPL. Just keeping up with all the different opinions outs there isn't easy. I feel for y'all. There's the blogs, fora, the price change gatekeepers - all while you're pretending you know how to VLOOKUP and put fancy graphics on your PowerPoints at work.
Be like this guy, stop pretending to work and work... on your fantasy team.
Put some graft in and you'll be rewarded by a 2017 team in good knick and green arrows coming out the wazoo. And with that, we bring you Gameweek 17:
Get Your Tips Out
Look at yourself in the mirror, and be honest. You're totally on the naughty list, and you know it. So enjoy the following big juicy tips - these are the only gifts you're getting this Christmas if Santa's got any sort of access to your internet search history.
Jimmy wished for COD and got coal. You shouldn't have clicked that pop-up, now should you Jimmy?
Tip #1 - Your boss is probably doing the same thing you are, tinkering with his team, except he's one of the suckers. Spend less time covering your tracks and more time on planning your movements over the next few weeks.
If you haven't got access to a certain FPL App that will kindly remind you when there's just 2 hours until the deadline , sort your damn diary out so you get some reminders while your GMT-4. It's not easy keeping up with mid-week fixtures while you're sippin' Sols con limon on a sunny beach in Sudamerica.
Tip #2 - Over the next few GWs keep rotation in the back of your mind. Tattoo it on the inside of your eyelids if you have to. Do not go taking points hits to swap out your under-performers, or those who have fixtures you don't like the look of - certainly not for someone just as likely to miss out - or about to jet off to the African Cup O' Nations. Time to trim the dead-weight. Any non-starters, rotation risks, injury prones or anyone named John Stones - get them out and make sure you've got playing players on your bench.
Tip #3 - Keep calm, listen to Bantasy Football and carry on. You shouldn't have missed last GW's blog where we recommended you transfer in Lallana and captain Rondon - it was a cracker. You may not find it online, though. Our dog ate it. Speaking of dogs, a fantasy football team's not just for xmas. Look ahead, maintain composure and don't do anything rashford - January Wildcard is just around the corner!
Free your mind, focus on fantasy, and you will jump like Morpheus to the top of your league.
Captain Marvel
Alexis Sanchez 11.8m -- MAN CITY (A)
Unlike last GW where Rondon was the obvious captaincy choice, this week presents a trickier decision. Spurs have what seems a decent fixture at home against Burnley but Kane was invisible in Tottenham's thrashing of Hull. I see them winning but not by a big margin - Burnley keep it tight like a tiger. And what are you going to do, captain Eriksen instead of Kane? If you have the billy big balls to do that then fair play sir, and good luck. But the big game this weekend is the visit of Pep Lite to Pep Proper. And Pep Proper is having it rough at the moment. Alexis is consistently scoring, Arsenal are consistently scoring, and will be eager to prove a point post their crazy defeat at Everton on Tuesday.
Both teams need a win here, but there is way, way more pressure on Man City at the moment. That defence, while yes they may have kept a CS at Watford, will fold when put under pressure by a hard working forward line, as was exemplified against Chelsesa and Leicester. No one works harder in this league than Sexy Alexi Sanchez. In my humble, and totally R-rated opinion, He is going to quite figuratively butt rape Claudio Bravo. He will chase down every ball that they try to "play around the back" and he will force mistakes, making you a bucket load of fantasy points on the way.
Buy Low
Gettin' Siggy With It (7.5m) -- MIDDLESBOROUGH (A)
Na na na na na na na. More important than Buy Low this week is take a look at the holes you need to plug in your team. Got yourself an injury or suspension somewhere? Deal with that first. But if you've got a spare transfer or two, go Siggy.
Four tasty fixtures through to the New Year and he'll start every game barring injury or suspension. Siggy IS Swansea. If you haven't got him already, do it. Bacardi and coke - do it.
If you're Siggied up already, go Lallana. He killed it last GW, he's best value midfielder in that team (apart from injured Can Can) and with other injuries in the squad Klopp should have no choice but to play Adam L every game over the next few weeks.
Puntsville USA
Dimiti Payet (9.1) -- HULL (H)
You saw what Spurs did to Hull. It could have been hat-tricks worse. Sure West Ham suck this year, but that's all about to change. Dimitri is spenny - I don't know how exactly he fits into any of the current template teams unless the Hazard injury is longer term - but if you can squeeze out the cap room the French starlet could be dynamite. And this is why:
His ownership of 9.9% probably includes about 0.1% of FPL managers who are still paying attention, such has been his shitshow lately. Differentials this talented are difficult to source. Payet could win you your league.
Fools Gold
Salmon Man Rondon (6.5) -- MAN UTD (H)
I know we told you to bring him in and captain him, but his time has come and gone. One week wonder for the ages. If you missed last GW's post, *cough cough*, then don't go rushing to bring him in. Go for Brunt (5.0 - defender playing in midfield) instead, who assisted two of his hat-trick and looks a steady points scorer for your back line even when Tony Penis can't get his team organised enough to keep a CS.
HOLD FIRE!
Manchester United (That's right the entire club)
Sometimes it is better to wait and see how things pan out next week. You may save thousands of lives and prevent a war in doing so.
Quietly, they may be turning a corner. I really wanted to have Zlatan in here this week because he is pure 28 karat jokes but I think it best we wait one more week. United have an excellent 4 fixtures through to January but, like Payet, I don't see how he fits into anyone's team at the moment. Most teams have both Costa and Kane up top and it would seriously destablise the balance of your team to go tinkering on the back of one good result to get the big man in as well. Costa's 5th yellow will come at some point soon and that's probably a better time to jump on the Zlandwagon. Keep an eye on Pogba too, he's not proved he's worth going into any fantasy team just yet. But another couple of performances like last night and he might be worth it.
Pic of the Week
Also MFW I captain Rondon and he scores a hat-trick
