With Trump's inauguration being Friday night, Gameweek 22 is a mere hypothetical at this stage. We trudge on nonetheless, in the hopes that somehow this buffoon is just an alien or a Russian spy or something relatively benign like that. If, like me, you'd like some Fantasy Football musings to take the pain away, look no further. Below is a comprehensive smattering of Bantasy wisdom that will have you in perfect nick for Saturday... assuming of course there is a Saturday. Oh dear God what have they done?
El Capitan
El Sanchez (11.9) -- Arsenal v.s. BUR (H)
We weren't wrong about the Hurrikane being top Captain pick last week and we're confident we've got it right this week too. Sexy Alexy is the joint-top scorer in the league. His impressive assist and Bonus Points tally combined with the extra points he gets for scoring as a mid means he tops the Fantasy scoreboard by 24 points.
The Arse will bust Burnley's bumholes on Sunday and Sanch has hat-trick potential against a Burnley side that has struggled away to good sides: 2-1 losses against City and Spurs; 3-0 losses at Chelsea and Leicester; and even a 4-0 drubbing at the hands of West Bum.
Buy Low
Tom Davies (4.3) -- Everton
Young Tommy D caught the eye in a resplendent display against a hapless City on Sunday. His goal was pure Prime Time: It demonstrated guile, poise and a willingness to audaciously take on two players at once.
His starting berth could well be nailed down now - and certainly looks so until Gueye returns from the ACON. If you're looking to save a lil' cashish, or just to get on the bandwagon before it bolts, and you don't mind extremely questionable hair, TD is your manbun.
I did a Premier League goal. Quick - To the barber!
Sell High
Dimitri Payet (9.0) - Wham v.s. MID (A)
Dimi's caused all sorts of strife for Bilic in the past week - Refusing to train, refusing to play, refusing to go to China for a million quid a fortnight. He wants Marseille to be chez famille and c'est tout. Mon dieu.
The "we're not selling" BS is about as transparent a negotiating tactic as you're likely to find this side of the Atlantic, and the one thing we know about the art of the deal... is that it ends in a deal.
Even if he stays, he has demonstrated abject petulance and total apathy towards Wham's epic struggle to be a slightly-better-than-mid-table club. He's been pretty rubbish this season anyway, recording just two double-digit fantasy returns, which for a premium player is pigshit.
He's a write-off. Get rid.
Fool's Gold
Peter Crouch (4.8) -- Stoke v.s. MUN (A)
Pierre Crouche is certainly worth a squirt at 4.8, with three starts and three goals in three - but this week, at Old Trafford, is not the one to bring him in.
Pete's been given a new contract and is producing the goods but his starting position is conditional upon Stoke sticking with two up top - the tricky fixtures they have coming up (@United, Spurs and City) are just the kind in which formational shifts are to be expected. Buying him now could lead to a lot of disappointment in a short space of time.
It all seems very exciting but she probably can't cook
One to Watch
Kevin Wimmer (4.6) - Tottenham v.s. MCI (A)
With Jan Vertonghen sidelined for about 6 weeks, Kev could step in become a starter for Poch's sturdy defensive outfit - certainly if he wants to stick to the 5-3-2 that bossed West Brom and Chelsea alike.
He's not a great option against City this week - who knows when they're gonna turn up and put on a show at home - but he could be a great fill-in for the next few months if he gets dat starting berth.
Sometimes a fill-in can be really useful. Sometimes not so much.
Pic of the Week
Time for another one of our obvious caption competitions. Answers on a postcard, in the comments section, @BantasyFootball, or said to yourself in your own head for giggles.
