Aaaaand just like that we're back at it again. Only two days between GW23 and 24 - The turnaround be FIERCE. 🔥🔥🔥 Get your ship together with our handy tidbits made just for your jocular oculars.
El Capitan
Haroldo Kaninho (11.2) -- Tottenham -v.s.- MID (H)
There's a right dearth of viable Capitan optionés this week so we're overlooking Spurs' blank against Blunderland and hoping they do a bounceback jobbie against MiddlesBorer.
Tottenham can shank you good and proper if you're not paying attention and a short week for the boys from t' Tyne could mean Alli & Co. catch them with their pants down more than once.
Kane's always got a hat-trick in him, takes pens and streamlines his hair for extra effective headererering. What more do you want?
WHERE'S THE MONEY LEBOWSKI?!
This kid gets his Harry Kane hairdo on religious style
Buy Low
Pierre Crouche (4.9) -- Stoke -v.s.- WBA (H)
Welcome to the hundie club, Mr Robot.
If you've missed Pete's meteroic rise to Fantasy Football relevance, you've been living under Iraq.
Four goals in less than five games, costing less than a fiver and owned by only 5.1% in FPL - the man's fast becoming must-have.
The beauty is - a bit like good manners - everyone can afford him. Cash in Kun, Bin Benteke or Refund Rondon - whoever your dead weight forward is, Crouch will loosen the purse strings to juice up elsewhere.
The risk averse among you may look away in disgust however, given the arrival of perfect brat Berahino. Only time will tell how it affects Crouchy's playing time, but you may wish to hold fire if you don't want to end up getting an eyeful of some Saido spoiling silliness [NSFW].
Son motorboats Mom while Sister rides her [SFW]
Alex Iwobi (5.9) -- Arsenal v.s. CHE (A)
Arse have the worst possible fixture this week so this one is only for the strong-willed, or more appropriately those with two transfers to spare. And that's partly because he has the best possible fixture - Hull at home (unless you're Man Utd) - immediately after.
Wobes is cracking value in any event - a legitimate attacking threat for the Gunners and looking to be a guaranteed starter, at least until their injury woes abate.
His 6 bonus points over the past 5 weeks is a good indicator of just how influential the winger has become and his finishing is starting to look more assured. He could be a bonanza pick if Arse get off their Arse and string together some decent fixtures.
Arsenal's approach to the transfer market has been Homeresque
Fool's Gold // Sell High
Gabriel Jesus (9.0) // Sergio Aguero (12.8) -- Man City -v.s.- SWA (H)
Just 40 minutes into his first start for Citeh, The Jesus gave us a pretty good indication that he's going to be a fantasy darling.
If his cameo against Spurs was electric, his performance against Wham (RIP George Michael) was thunderdocious.
Can he keep Aguero at bae, do? Pep has some previous of dropping Aguero for funny reasons - against Barca last year it was because he "wanted more midfield players". After dropping Kun against Burnley, Guardiola was more enigmatic, but appeared to cite fitness issues, Sergio having just missed four games with suspension.
The nod to Jesus mid-week after an FA Cup weekend wherein Aguero didn't even make the bench is an interesting move, though, and ostensibly signals an end to the Argentine's starting status.
City miss GW 26 and potentially GW 28 too if they reach the next stage of the FA Cup so it's definitely time to ditch Aguero if you haven't already. At 9.0, though, Brazil's newest saviour could be a points magnet when the double Gameweeks pour in. Watch this Space Jam.
There's nothing funny ot particularly relevant about Space Jam... but you should all go watch Space Jam
