We are, of course, referring to poor old Seamus Coleman, who was Article 50'd with immediate effect by the Welsh, despite being from Ireland (if you want political commentary, you're in the wrong place, kiddo). He was in sparkling form before the Republic of Ireland played Wales in some kind of time-warp where it was acceptable to tackle like the "Good Ol' Days", when "men were men", and none of these modern multi-millionaires were diving around like Tom Daley playing 'The Bodyguard'. Well, we finally got to see why the rules are much tighter now and hopefully even the most Pulis-hardened, Rory-Delap-long-throw-loving, 52% voting, Stoke purists can see why.
The good old days
Anyway, the real question is whom to replace him with?
Fools Gold
Another Everton Defender vs. Liverpool (a)
You may be tempted to pull in Baines (£5.7m), who is cheaper and takes pens for an in-form Everton team, or Holgate (£4.0) who is a steal and will now definitely play. You are probably feeling quite smug about yourself if you did this before Sunday night when Coleman went down in price.
You should catch your smug though - You have not passed GO, and you will not be receiving £200 worth of Fantasy points. Everton did not only lose Coleman, they lost Funes Mori, who despite being a terrible human, is an alright defender who will now miss the rest of the season too (probably).
Losing half you back four before playing away to Liverpool and Man U (who will have Ibra back by then) does not many clean sheets make.
Seriously though, not on the clean sheet
The Three Wise Men (God Help Us)
Valencia (£5.9), Bertrand (£5.5), Ben Davies (£4.8).
You could do much worst than buying one of these three men. Valencia is the popular choice and you can see why - home to West Brom, then Everton and then Sunderland away are all fixtures in which he could pick up points.
Bertrand is the artesian hipster/differential choice, he's got assists and goals in him, and has easy fixtures - home to Bournemouth, Crystal Palace and away to West Brom. Davies is the bargain choice, he's not going to rake in big bonus points, goals or assists, but should be good for a clean sheet or two for a tight Tottenham team.
tbt
Buy Anyway
Jamie 'Reg' Vardy (£9.8m)
Meat and Two Reg Vardyhas had little to offer this season unless you are a fan of angular chins, but he's come into a bit of form since Ranieri departed. You can call the Leicester players snakes all you like, but he's returned 13-5-11 points in his last three fixtures, with Stoke and Sunderland coming at home in the next 2 rounds.
If you want to pick players with moral character, your team would be pretty shit. With Harry Kane out, Diego Costa an injury worry, and Lukakucakes with difficult fixtures, there's a real argument to get in Vardy Hard.
Sure, he's still owned by 11% of players, but I'm willing to bet around 8% of those brought him in for week one and are no longer playing the game. I mean, his ownership didn't drop below 350k players even when he didn't play for three games! That's 8% of all players! He's a hidden differential. Same goes for Riyad Mahrez, but quite frankly I can't see a way to get £8.9m of him into any team.
Remember that time we killed a dog? What a laugh! What a time to be alive! Prick
