With our boy Sadio crumpled into an origami penguin by Baines on Toast and his teammate Lallana similarly incapacitated, there's an essential decision to be made in the middle of the week in the middle of the field for lots of canny FPLers with Looperville cover and a desire to capitalise on the quick turnaround that is #FPL #GW31. Hashbrown #LiquidFantasyTekkers. Up top Llorente's ankle didn't even make the bench for GW30 and Costa was effete for a second game on the bounce despite chances galore so you may be pondering moves there too. Meanwhile the DGWs are on the horizon - so is it time to shake rattle roll or do nothin' to save your doggone soul? Bantasy Football's here to pick you some Cherries and remind you about Chuck Berry.
Rock legends don't RIP, they RIP IT UP
Captain Marvel
Bobby Firmino (8.5) -- Liverpool | BOU (H)
Last time the Cherries rocked up aside the Mersey they were battered 6-3 by a horny Everton side mid-resurgence. This Klopp team is not only hot off the trot of smashing those same Toffees sticky, they've got their eye in for the onion bag with 16 goals in their past 7 matches. Delectable returns.
There's also a dearth of tasty match-ups in GW32 with Chelsea and City clashing and Arse way outta form - so stick your chips on Bobby and get Firm in yo pants. Hashslag #FirmInYoPants
Buy Low
Ben Davies (4.8) -- Tottenham
I'm not usually one to tout a short-term solution but even optimistic reports are suggesting Danny Rose won't be back before Gameweek 35. Davies is an able deputy, not in terms of offensive returns, but in the value for money presented.
Under 5 mil for 20% of the best defence in the league? I'll spin on that. And their next four games are Swansea, Watford, Palace and Bournemouth so by the time Danny's back, you'll be rolling in the bang you've received for your buck. Like Ron Jeremy in the salad days... the proverbial ones obviously. Hashbag #NotLiterally.
Sell High
It's not a seller's market this week so unless you've got a legit injury woe and just can't hold it no mo', we suggest pocketing that transfer for a rainy day or a double gameweek spectacular. Cashtag #SaveYoCashSplash
Listen to what this doofus says at your peril
Fool's Gold
Christian Bentekkers (7.0) -- Crystal Palace | SOU (A)
It pains me to write this as I've long been a fan of CB. The loyalistas amongst you will no doubt recall my hilarious team name last year (Semitic Bentekkers) and wonder how on earth I could be such a fucking turncoat.
The answer's in the pudding. Gameweek 30's goal was Benteke's first in 7 weeks - That's simply not up to scruff given the wealth of striking talent on offer in the Prem.
Pundits have been lauding his performance against Chelsea, which is nice and all, but it's worth remembering he doubled his assist tally in that match, and recorded only his second goal since week 15. And numbers matter. Sometimes.
Also, in his last seven games he will face Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, City and United. The only game in which you'd actually expect him to score is Burnley at home.
The spotlight trailing the hero of such an unexpected victory is always likely to be blinding - and his Stamford Bridge soirée is far more likely to be a false dawn than the beginning of a new era for the perennially unfulfilling Belgian. Hashfrown #NotFilling
How to live an unfulfilling death: Take insta to the grave
Puntsville, USA
Divock Origi (6.1) -- Liverpool | BOU (H)
Lallana and Mané are goneski so Origi's here to play. Oft-bit-part, the deputy has craic when called upon and should give you decent points this week against a D-rated B-Mouth. He also happens to be Liverpool's top-scoring FPL striker this season for whatever that's worth (Not much - Klopp doesn't exactly 'go steady' when it comes to forwards).
Fact is, though: He's an absolute bargain given Pool's scoring potential and their green lights all the way finish. Aloe Blacc would be proud. You may not fancy him a good footballer but anyone denying his FPLability can Hashgag #STFU.
Binocs not needed - you get the picture
Pic of the Week
A little late to the party but it's worth remembering that this. Match. Happened.
