Much like in some of the more popular dragon and tit-fuelled HBO specials, the FPL timeline is entering a defining epoch. They say crunch time is the end of the season but for both leisurely and devoted Fantasy Football managers, the third week really is all important. Will you soar to the top of your mini league in a blaze of glory on the back of a sturdy dragon named Lukakucakes? Will you finally Ben the Mee and take a hit, or even play your wildcard? Or will you give up, despondent, dragged into the depths of an icy red hell by a petulant whiteWalker? Only one way to find out - and that's to decipher this GoT-infused Gameweek 3 preview. Somehow we've made it spoiler-free, apart from the bits where it foretells the Fantasy Football future...
Captain of the Guards
Romelu Lukaku -- Manchester United | LEI (H)
If you managed to convince yourself not to captain Rom in Gameweeks 1 and 2, congratulations - you're the poorest sod in Westeros.
Leicester made decent work of Brighton last weekend but in their opener @ the Emirates they employed defensive tactics about as useful as a swiss cheese shield. United are mirroring their Manchester rivals last time they were contenders with a 4-goal-per-game average which makes Lukaku both must-have and must-captain.
Some will back Kane (who has never scored a PL goal in August) to finally make it count at home to Burnley but if FPL has taught us anything it's not to fuck with the form book.
Actual footage of Lukaku sizing up the Leicester defence
Buy Low Valyrian
Jesé Rodriguez (6.0) - Stoke | WBA (A)
You can take the dragon out of the fire but you can't take the fire out of the dragon.
What's better than fire AND dragons, though, is an out-of-position player.
Take Jessie, for instance, and take him right now because his price is sure to rise soon. He looked sharp and nipped in quicker than a raven to grab the winning goal against Arsenal, a solitary training session after signing on loan from PSG. The French capital is seemingly now so replete with overpaid talent that they are farming Champions League winners out to the Potteries,making them the most decorated team in England. Great news for cold Tuesday nights.
Most importantly for FPL purposes, though, their latest recruit is classed as a mid despite playing higher up than Crouch atop the Vale. At 6.0, the same price as useless Matt Ritchie and injury-prone Shaquiri Shaquiri, you can expect Rodriguez to become a staple in FPL teams by September.
Show your under-performing mid-priced playmakers the Moon Door and get this lad in to maximise your shot at the Iron Throne.
(Game of) Phil Jones (5.0) -- Manchester United | LEI (H)
It's not easy scraping enough silver together for a decent defender at the moment. Only United, Huddersfield and West Brom have opened with two clean sheets and Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool have conceded in both games.
There were, and are, questions over Jones' nailed-on status but Smalling hasn't played a minute and United have looked the real deal so far, albeit against mediocre oppo.
Joes is a solid signing at his price. United should keep the Foxes out this weekend. Vardy ain't fit, Mahrez is looking to move and House Leicester just never managed to get that whole dynasty thing going - they're a mid-table family now and everyone knows it.
You don't stay on the Iron Throne by selling Kante / swearing fealty to Chelsea
Sell High Garden
KDB (10.0) -- Man City | BOU (A)
I was a big proponent of Kevin De Boratheon pre-season. He looked the obvious answer to a City side which was as sure to score goals as it was to rotate its attacking players.
Problem is, after watching City desperately try to salvage something against Everton on Monday, I couldn't help but notice Fernandinho spending more time in and around the box than KDB - the supposedly rightful heir to the Etihad attacking midfield.
KDB seemed to have a free role, but not the kind that's conducive to Fantasy points - more the kind that floats around the half way line trying to pick out passes which might lead to the assist that assists the assist. Like that guy in the club who just stands at the bar and creeps on girls from 15 feet away with no hope of scoring.
Go for David Silva at 2.0 less, or steer away from City coverage altogether. They haven't looked too convincing, they're all highly-priced and it may be another transitional season for the Trillionaires.
Lannisters may always pay their debts but if they're going to spaff all their coin on overrated full-backs, they might as well be spending it on shitpaddles.
City's new signings
Fool's Gold
Granit Xhaka (5.6) -- Arsenal | LIV (A)
I can understand the appeal of a cheap player at a top club who is guaranteed starts - in THEORY.
In practice, defensive mids are horse cack. Boom Xhakalakka got two assists in the first match, granted, but that's one fewer than he managed all of last season, to add to a measly 2 goals. Cristiano Ronaldo he ain't. He also picks up cards like it's going out of fashion (5 yellas and two reds last season).
If you think this guy's the FPL answer, you've only got yourself to blame...
Worse still, he's already risen in price so his value as a cheap enabler is significantly reduced.
You'd be much better off saving 1.1 and going for Loftus-Cheek, who has looked lively for Palace so far, or (HOT TAKE ALERT) saving 0.6 and taking a punt on Mousa Dembélé, who was penetrative against Chelsea and is long overdue a goal or two given his attacking threat.
