People like patterns. Clouds always look like things. There's a sure-fire system to winning roulette. "It's been 71 years since Liverpool beat Leicester away from home in a 17:30 kick off when they didn't have a goalkeeper whose name rhymed with Pobbelar", is for some reason the kind of thing worth saying. But patterns - while often illusory - are exactly what we need to monitor in Fantasy Football. And the bestest thing about Gameweek 5 is that it's the point at which the data actually start to mean something. The statistics are becoming reliable, and the astute amongst us will rise effortlessly to the top like helium-inflated cream. This is all my roundabout way of saying: If you have more points than me at the moment, you got lucky... ...but I'm comin' right for ya.
EL CAPITAN
Sergio Aguero (11.6) -- Manchester City | CPA (H)
Kun Aguero. Hot off a hat-trick. Against Crystal Phallus. At home. That is all.
BUY LOW
Pascal Groß (5.6) -- Brighton | NEW (H)
Got a confession to make - I brought this guy in last week and forgot to mention it to y'all. Such was my desparation to catch up. 73 points later (captaining Kane and without Aguero no less!) I'm happy to divulge.
This boy is mackerel.
He's got a silly letter a the end of his name, which is obviously great. He costs sweet FA and has 2 goals and 2 assists in 2 matches. Too good!
Newcastle have won three on the trot after a horrid start, and have been pretty stingy away from home so far, but they may get over-excited about the prospect of a 6-pointer and let it slip, Stevie G style.
If they do, you can be sure Pascal will be right there, turning up the pressure. Get it? Pascal? Pressure? Never mind.
At least I try
SELL HIGH
Firmino (8.7) -- Liverpool | LEI (A)
Bobby was an interesting Fantasy specimen coming into the season. Originally I had him as fool's gold on the basis that he had shifted from MID to FOR and as such was much worse value given he would no longer get extra points for goals and actually didn't score that much compared to most strikers.
Then Liverpool started firing on all cylinders pre-season, named him their pen taker and he became a seriously viable option.
And it started well. Two goals and two assists in his first three matches was above the output you'd expect for a 8.5 forward.
Now though he's started missing penalties, he's averaging 70 minutes and he's dropping deeper to allow overlap of more prolific, pacy, players like Salah.
Party's over, baby. You don't gotta go home but you gotta get the fudge outta here.
FOOL'S GOLD
N'Golo Kante (5.0) -- Chelsea | STO (A) // Nemanja Matic (5.0_ Manchester Utd | SOU (A)
This is your yearly reminder that defensive midfielders should NOT be selected in your Fantasy Football team.
You'd think I wouldn't have to do it but here goes: Just because they're 5 million and play every game, and are seriously good footballers, does not mean they deserve a place in your fantasy lineup.
This business is about end product - Goals and assists. Bonus Points are, well, just that.
Just don't do it. Or risk feeling and looking extraordinarily foolish.
