When I first tinkered into existence my 2017/18 FPL line up, I was like a new mother beholding with pure pride and adoration my beauteous babbling babe - so perfectly constructed with meticulous care and affection: Totally unspoiled, in perfect order, hosting infinite possibilities. Now everything has turned from gold into shit. The little fucker's boomeranging about, pants-on-head, spitting semi-masticated Doritos at me between shit fits, Pepper Pig marathons and painting the sofa with puke. Never in the history of me have I been so thoroughly disappointed in my Fantasy Football team, and to rub Himalayan salt into the gaping wound that is my season, next week is bound to be even worse than this one.
My over-reliance on City and Chelsea players, all of whom appear to be injured or out of form, will surely be my downfall as the baron GW31 approaches, but where there is dar there is also hope. If I can just ride out this storm, maybe - just maybe - I can make it to the Double Gameweeks without committing harikari.
Very rarely, attempted suicides are funny, and hopeful - a squirrel's in particular
BUY LOW
Trent Alexander-Arnold (4.3) -- Liverpool | MUN (A)
That's because TAA seems to have nailed down a starting berth, which would make him the only mainstay full back for a top 4 side costing under 5.9.
'Pool get clean sheets about as often as Russian spies die of natural causes, but they also have a rare fixture next week and a great run in thereafter.
Russian Spies: Sometimes they're sexy... in fictional cartoons
SELL HIGH
Heung-Min Son (8.1) -- Tottenham | BOU (A)
There's a decent chance Sonny will be rested after his exhaustive performance against Juve, in which he did just about everything other than find the onion bag.
Lamela and Moura are snapping at the heels of the South Korean and MoPo will be mindful that those £30m players came all the way from South America (slash France slash Italy) to play ball.
When the two fixtures after that are: BLANK & Chelsea away, it's more a case of Honnington bitters than Rising Son. I know it's tough after he scored a brace last week but just trust me...
Trust grows naturally as we mature - as I keep trying to convince my wife
This meme's related to the comment on the last meme, so if you didn't read the comment on that meme this meme is going to be even more irrelevant than usual
This meme is not relevant, but it is irreverent, kinda.
FOOL'S GOLD
Willian (6.9) -- Chelsea | CPA (H)
Tbh anyone without a GW31 fixture would be total fool's gold to bring in right about now, but this chump tops the list.
Sure, Palace are the bollocks dogs (TM) and have lost 9 on the spin but they may have Zaha back, and - crucially - Will.I.an could lose his spot to Pedro with a huge clash against Barca on Wednesday.
Also, not to be snide or anything, but he's short and has shit hair.
