Football might not have come home this summer but it's sent its pesky cousin over early. The Premier League is back before we even had a chance to pay attention to how comprehensively Everton's reserves can dismantle an Austrian cricket team (They beat ATV Irdning 22-0 in case you missed it - cracking prep for Wolves away). Personally, I've barely had time to clean the St George's facepaint off my face but I have noticed a few fantasy-relevant items of noooos inamongst all that fakery Donny Drumpf keeps yammering on about, so here goes:
Anyone else still boycotting Croatian food? Yeh, thought so.
TINGS WHAT I DUN NOTICED
1. Tottenham have simultaneously completely fluffed the transfer window and retained all of their best players, most of whom were dead-certs to leave for peanuts two months ago.
"But what does this mean for my constantly-tinkered Fantasy team, you hilarious twat?!", I hear you cry. It means a few things. First off, the likes of Son (8.5), Alli (9.0) and even Eriksen (8.5) could be susceptible to losing pitch time to Lamela, who is back from injury and has just signed a new contract as well as Lucas Moura, who has looked electric whenever given opportunity. It means Dembele will remain the best player in the league you'd never have in your Fantasy team. It means the full-back situation is a clusterfuck because Rose, Aurier, Tripps and Davies can't all play at once. In fact, Spurs might have the most uncertain defence in terms of who will start in Fantasy Football history - with seven potential starters all priced at 6.0 in FPL.
2. Jose Mourinho will moan about literally anything that moves, doesn't move, purports to be subject to the laws of kinetic theory.
Physics, innit
This doesn't really have any Fantasy relevance but I just thought it was worth mentioning. Lukaku should be good and always a safe captaincy choice. Winky emoji.
3. Man City gonna ball
If the Charity Shield is anything to go by (and it never is but what else are we to go by?), City are going to walk this season just like they did last. Hot take, IKR?! This team that won the league by 19 points, has strengthened in the transfer market and has a manager who wins like Charlie Sheen in his hay day, Lebron James and Tom Brady all went in for four-way IVF with Serena Williams. Hardly controversial to say they're going to remain decent, but if you don't Have Aguero (11.0), and probably at least one of the City midfielders, you're gonna have a baaaad time.
Winning
4. West Ham and Everton both have a shot to overtake Arsenal
Say what you want about Arsene Wenger (and boy have the ArseTV lot done their part on that), he was consistency in a teacup. Top four on a plate for a decade is no easy feat, and whilst the Gunners have impressive firepower up top, and Aubemayang (11.0) in particular certainly jumps off the webpage as a potential Fantasy star, trusting any of this team in an impossibly difficult transition period feels more stupid than brave. Just look at the post-Fergie fallout at Old Trafford. Plus they're about to get wholesale bought by that American dude who, unlike everyone else in the States right now, is all about the Benjamins.
Meanwhile the Toffees and Hammers have made cracking acquisitions. Everton going big on Richarlison is a statement, and if he can replicate last year's form he'll be a steal at 6.5. Meanwhile WHam have brought in seven recruits so far, including a lively midfield duo of Wilshere (5.0) - who when fit can really pull strings - and £36m Brazilan Felipe Anderson (7.0) from Lazio. Led by now-forward Arnautovic (7.0) they should be a safe bet for plenty of goals and a decent shot at bringing European football to the London Stadium. 5. It might be best to avoid Chelsea to begin with
Some facts you already know: It's Tuesday; The season starts on Friday; The transfer window shuts on Thursday.
Something a wise man may or may not have once said: In times of uncertainty, panic.
Avoid Chelsea right now, especially if you're looking to keep your sheets clean. You can invite them to the party once they've proved they're not going to come in with muddy shoes, stomp around the place and blow chunks on the good linens.
